Zimmer

After (Part One)

My eyes spring open, blinded by the lights that rest hanging from the ceiling. I try to sit up, but I am restrained by tubes and blankets. I lay back down, defeated, and out of breath, and out of the corner of my eye, Katie rushes to the door, yelling something, but I can't hear what she says. I can't seem to hear anything.

I feel so overwhelmed as Katie is pulled out of the room by a swarm of doctors, and I attempt to sit up again, my heart pounding against the inside of my chest. I breathe heavily as I realize where I am. This is a hospital. Oh god this is a hospital. Why am I in the hospital? What time is it? How long was I asleep? What happened? Why the fuck am I in the hospital?

I look around, still laying down, but using my keen peripheral vision to my advantage. I can see a hospital gown draped over me, and I see tubes filled with red liquid taped in my arms. I see a tube trailing my leg, leading to a bag hanging from a small doctoral cart, and it is filled with yellow.

The doctors begin to attach more tubes to various parts of my body (three more on my forearm), and I feel myself getting airy. I attempt to comprehend the room, the people, the tubes. A woman doctor is trying to talk to me but I can't hear her. My ears continue to ring. My lungs fill with air and I begin the feel lightheaded, and the doctors seem to be yelling. Everything goes black again.

*****

Am I dead? Is this what death is like? I ponder and ponder, seeing nothing but black. I am still, and I am not awake, I know that much. Where am I? Am I dead? Or am I still in the hospital? What is happening?

I successfully open my eyes, but I don't try to sit up. I look around and make eye contact with a doctor that is standing above me. She starts yelling at someone behind me somewhere, and things start fading to black again.

"No," I try to speak, but I don't know if anything comes out. My audible sense is still failing me, and then the black masks again.

*****

The next time that my eyes open, I am in a different room, and there are no doctors, but the machines and tubes have followed me. I try to sit up, and I am successful this time. Katie is sitting in a chair adjacent to my bed, and her mouth starts to move:

"Mia, oh my god Mia you're alive!" she says, and I can hear her. I'm not deaf. I'll be okay.

I test out my own vocal skills, "What happened?". I can talk.

"Mia, let's not do this now." she says, and I feel my heartbeat quicken.

"Katie, why am I in the hospital?" I ask, more demanding this time.

"You were in... Paul and you... The Car... I'm so sorry, Mia... They didn't even see you guys... They said..." Her voice trails off every time she starts to talk, and I demand: "Katie, give it to me straight."

Tears trace her cheeks and she takes a deep breath, "You and Paul were in a car crash. It happened about three weeks ago... Your ribcage was fractured and your left arm is broken. You had internal abdominal bleeding and you have a punctured lung. Mia, you had a 20% chance of survival. And you're here." She pauses and wipes tears from her cheeks. 

"How long was I asleep for?" I ask, to which Katie replies, "You were in a coma for two weeks, but you woke up a week ago. As soon as you did, and they knew that you would survive, they began surgeries to fix you up. You slept through a week of recovery, and now we're here. Any more questions?"

I look around the room, and then the one that should have been first the most obvious slips through my lips: "Where is Paul?"

Katie's eyes fill with tears, and she looks at the ground. "Paul," she choked out, "He didn't make it." 

I feel my heart drop into my stomach, and I sink back into my hospital bed. Every bone in my frame seems much more fragile, and I feel every shred of happiness and hope exit my body. As I try to bring myself to ask what happened, Katie reads my mind: "His internal organs started to fail him, and the temporary solutions that they had in the ambulance didn't work. They couldn't get him here in time. He passed away before he arrived. But they said that he was in a peaceful state..."

I stop listening. I can't listen anymore. I'm breaking. It's over. Paul is gone.

"Mia? I know what you're going thro-" Katie starts, but I cut her off:

"No, Katie, you don't. Katie, millions of girls worldwide flaunt all over him. They say that they love him. But those girls have fallen in love with the famous Paul. But I didn't. I fell in love with Paul- the quirky boy that is obsessed with having his right sock on his right foot. The Paul that hates animal print unless it's on lingerie in movies. The Paul that would rather sit at home and watch the Goonies than go out in public. Katie, you don't understand. Millions of girls are in love with quiff Paul until they are tired of him, and move on, but I am in love with the real Paul, unconditionally."

Katie starts to talk, but I don't listen. I just think back to the night of the Pet shop, and I try to remember as much as I can. I remember him picking me up. I remember him looking at me, and not at my roommate. I remember him spinning me around. Walking me to the car. The warmth of his palm against mine. 

I remember being in the Pet shop. The puppies. Paul smiled at me. He smiled. He never could have known what would happen. He said "We're in love". I denied it. But it was true. And I remember the attendee saying those six words: "That boy's in love with you."

I remember him putting in the CD that I gave him for our one year anniversary. And I remember the scratch. It kept repeating itself, and I thought to myself, It's kind of nice, I guess. The last words that he heard of my voice were "I love you Paul, and I always will. "

And I stand true to my word.

[TO BE CONTINUED]

<< guys, fyi, i won't be updating for a few days because I'm a very busy child okay bye >>