Polarize

1.

'I don't wanna be here' I kept retorting to myself. You see my parents thought I was abnormal, that I didn't necessarily fit in with the others. And I have to admit I didn't, but I had friends, I really do well did I assume they are pretty pissed considering I up and left out of nowhere. I didn't know until the week before that this was happening and my parents had decided to send me off to this place called Lyon Springs. My friends, they knew something was up because I started acting strange. They would ask me what's wrong and I would tell them the classic  ' I don't know '. They got skeptical for the next few days. I would've told them but would you want others to know you were getting sent away to a institution for the mentally ill. After all it was my fault, had my mom not found me balled up in the corner of my room with a spilled bottle of pills by my side with many of the contents missing, nor would she have fought with my dad that night because she had found out that he knew I had blades in my sock drawer that I had just told him that "I used them for art projects, and that they were for sculptures that were getting put in the art galleries at school " and I would never expose my wrists or thighs to anybody, so the constant hoodie and pair of jeans was my go to fit, even on hot summer days. My mother thought it was strange and when she would ask why I would say " it's not that hot out mom" and she would disregard the conversation. Had I not have met the one who sparked this constant feeling of loneliness and sadness. Maybe, just maybe I would've given myself a chance. But had I of not been born at all I wouldn't have ran into these obstacles in the first place. Yet here I am in this dingy room with two creaky beds on each side of the room, where the walls were painted a faded light powder pink color, where the desk in the corner had only paper and crayons in the top left side drawer just incase you wanted to write a note or draw a picture. Where you're stripped of all your things and put in a baggy t shirt with sweatpants and socks. Shoes weren't needed for we never went outside unless your shrink took you to the garden with a stone footpath that would lead you to a place where there was a picnic tables with a stone fountain waterfall to the right and colorful flowers surrounding it. There was no music unless you were in the activity room which, was usually where the most 'fun' took place. I spent most of my time in the room they put me in. I only came out for the little food they gave us and shrink appointments. I was usually lying down on the creaky bed staring at the ceiling or sitting cross legged on the floor with my back resting against one wall while staring at the opposing one. My attention was directed to the door that pushed open to reveal Josh. His hair was fairly messy and you could tell it was dyed a red color but that had faded to a pinkish orange color and his roots pricked the ends of the artificial color on his head. Josh was tall and wasn't fat nor skinny. We was my height maybe a little taller.  I couldn't tell you how much we were alike. " Ty" he said. " yeah." I said keeping my gaze on the ceiling. " we have to go get our pills" he sighed. We had to do this 3 times everyday.
" okay " I sighed rolling off the side and fumbling to my feet. Josh opened the door a little more wider so I could get past. " what were you thinking about today Ty ?" He questioned.
" nothing unusual" I reply with a monotone