Vespers (Fields of the Nephilim: Interlude)

Chapter 12

I could live with Aunt Maggie for as long as I wanted, it could even be forever. We could sit there and talk about anything else day and night without thinking about my past anymore. It would have been sweet to just think about it but I know I have to leave her soon.

I learned that she had been alone in that house since she moved in and that was about three years ago. She was an orphan. It explains her affection towards me. She was supposed to take her vow as a sister of God in the convent where she grew up at the age of eighteen so she could live and give what she could to those children left there, but thought otherwise. She wants to see the world and knew that she could do better outside, so with the money given to her by the mother superior, she was on her own. She was able to use this in obtaining her own place as she worked part time as a waitress or saleslady so as to keep the struggles. She travelled into places until she got there where she was living. She got part time jobs in hospitals tending to those wounded from riots or anything else, which, from time to time plagued the town. I learned that the war over faith is more destructive than any kind of disease; it doesn’t have any cure. And as for disease, people fought against neighbors for a piece of bread or so. It was malignant.

It’s been more than two months since I was fallen.  I knew everything I need to know in the world of mortals by then; the months, the years, the place. Rajasthani, India. It was then the end of November and I was fallen the end of September. 1991. I do not know how I got into this era, if it was accidental, or was just destined like Aunt Maggie was destined to be there just in time to pick me. Sometimes I was thinking that it was Lune himself who had laid me down the desert and that he had just abandoned me. The thought of him still saddened me. Yes, I truly hate him yet the fact remained that among all, he is still the most familiar being to me and I had always wondered where he is. What if I really am alone now? Who knows about my angelic blood but me? Yes this thought saddened me.

The comfort of being with Aunt Maggie was not enough to console my longing soul. I must find that something which could have been me. I do not know my own path, but that is not to stay idle and pretend to live a happy and normal life with this kind woman. True, she had cured me but it was only physical and probably emotional, but I still feel my whole being shattered.

I grew quiet in my misery as the days went on. This foreboding never escaped her noticing eyes. She confronted me that night. She knew I had plans of leaving. She didn’t try to hide her objection. She clearly wants to stop me.

“I’m happy when you came. You just don’t know how it felt like to come home knowing that my child is waiting for me” she said while washing the dishes in the sink. She wouldn’t dare look at me.

But I am not your child and I can never be. I would like to say these words but I just couldn’t. It will hurt her. I went on wiping the plates dry as I stack them in piles. I don’t know what else to say to her.

“But of course I know you’d go your way, but I didn’t expect it to be this soon” she went on, and as if weaken, she let go of the dishes and dried her wiry hands in her ruffled apron then turned back to face me. I couldn’t bear the sadness she was trying to hide. It was so hard to decide but I have this much greater foreboding that if I don’t leave, I’d hurt her even more.

She walked towards me and gave me a kiss on the forehead as she ruffled my hair like she used to. Her smile was heartbreaking.

“Go to bed now. I’ll make pancakes for breakfast. I just bought your favorite syrup this morning” she said then headed towards her room. I watched her as she closed the door then finally turned off her lamps.

I stood there for more minutes. My body seemed frozen as I lay my back against the hard tiles of the kitchen sink. Will she really be sleeping tonight? I had wondered. Finally I went to bed as well and tried to catch some sleep. It’s still early. The clock reads quarter to nine in the evening however I finally dozed off.

The next time I opened my eyes, the clock on my bedside table reads one am. The night seemed peaceful. I got up and paced the floor back and forth. I didn’t mind turning on the lights. My eyes were all too accustomed in the dark and I know I have the ability to see more of the darkness than most mortal men could. Hesitantly, I started to strip my clothes off and put on a new one. I searched for the boots inside the cabinet and worked on them to cover my bare feet. These boots, I know, will endure a long journey on foot. I took the duffel bag I found and put some of the clothes aunt Maggie had bought me inside as well. I should have left all these but I need to be practical. Then quietly I went out of the room with one last glance in the dark corners of it.

I tiptoed on the floor as I passed through aunt Maggie’s room. The house was quiet. When I reached the small living room I noticed that one lamp was left open and dreaded the fact that I’d find her there, reading one of her favorite classics, but then it was empty. I was supposed to walk out the front door when I noticed what was sitting beside the lamp on top of the table. My face lit up as I approached it.

In the table was laid the long dagger with its black ebony handle gleaming in the dim light. It was clearly polished and no speck of dust or the dreadful blood was left in it. I thought I’d left without this and I have even accepted the fact that I couldn’t ask her where she actually hid it. Now it was already in my hands and into the duffel bag. I turned to go but still on the table laid a note and what appeared to be a lunch pack which I haven’t noticed before. There were numbers scribbled on the note. I opened the medium sized pack. It appeared to be a stack of pancake and a small jar of maple syrup on a clear plastic container. There’s already a water container and some wrapped biscuits still fresh from the oven. There was another note in it. “I know you’d be hungry along the way so I packed it for you. Call me when you felt like fainting down the road.”

I placed all this in my bag and took one more glance at her closed door. I know her eyes were open. I know she heard my footsteps as I went out the porch and into the dark path outside.

As I stopped and looked back, I saw the shadow of the house and I knew then that it would be the last time I’d hear it breathing with life. It was a sad premonition.