"What?", for a moment I question my own hearing aids. She rolls her eyes and I clearly know why but I still wait for her to say something, wait for my eardrums to receive vibrations. She scoffs and yet again I know why but do I bother to speak, nope not really because I am Ash. Being Ash means that I won't speak until I am forced to or you know until the moment that speaking is absolutely necessary. She covers her face with her small hands and makes an almost inhuman noise and I stand there, leaning a bit forward as if leaning ahead implied that the other person needs to talks. She finally brushes stray hair off her admirable face after a few minutes and then leans against the wall blankly staring at me. I feel her eyes prompting me to speak, at least murmur if not anything else. I don't, why should I? I will stand here like this until she repeats herself for me as I feel uncomfortable asking someone else to repeat themselves for me more than once and also, I am stubborn. Mum and my sisters have always pointed that out to me. Back home I was more arrogant and stubborn then I'm here, life taught me to tone down a bit but if you minus only a bit well the rest remains. I would be needed to be requested to complete a small task for example visiting the store when I have no interest in it. Chen finally gives up, she had to, we cannot stand here displaying our stubbornness all day. "Can you please be a bit normal Ash? Like engage in a conversation normally?," I look straight at her now icy green eyes, I shift on my feet, "Ash come on, its not that hard," What would you know? You are an extrovert Chen and now you're just kind of being ignorant, God I hate people, "Anyways you clearly have no interest in asking what I meant, where you have to accompany me to, and who I was talking on the phone when you stood by the broken wall eavesdropping!," Wow what is this? Judge how I'm socially awkward and then embarrass me? Too much, "Right okay, you still have nothing to say, fantastic. How about you leave me be and you go back to your cave of darkness with no human communication and unhygienic conditions? I have two more days to leave so I can and will find someone who can accompany me, someone not you Ash" What do you want me to say? You want me to ask me who you were talking to so I reveal myself as a douche who eavesdrop to you? Or do you want me to ask where you are headed to and seem interested in your plans when I'm obviously not? Or should I just admit that I am a vulnerable depressed human being who faces difficulty in talking with loud humans like you, so that you too can label me as a freak and avoid me out of disgust? No thanks. I inhale deeply and feel the air as it fills my lungs and feel hot air rushing out of my nostrils. She still looks at me with hope, hope that I'll finally say something and I know I should but I feel trapped, I don't know how I can convey my words to her in a such manner that I seem not too interested but not disinterested too. I decide that it would be a lot easier if I come back later with a memorized set of words to tell her, words which are safe to use. I abruptly say, "I..gotta go" and rush out of her not a dark cave and hygienic store to my very dark cave with unhygienic conditions. I catch the look on her face as I leave, a look of agony, one very familiar to that of my mother's and sisters' as I had left them. I catch on to my breath as I sit down on the dusty chair of my store. I maintain absolute silence to overhear her movements. A thud surfaces through the wall and a weak whimper follows. I wonder what's up with her, it seemed as though something else, something more important than me was already bothering her. I need to leave immediately. I know I am doing the opposite of what I should be doing, absolutely but on the other hand I don't know how I would react or talk if Chen was to barge in here right now. I quickly pack my stuff and leave, turning the card hung on the door of my store to closed. I stop in front of her door and look down at my feet. No audible sound emit from the store and it takes all my will to not step in. I ponder over my thoughts and finally leave, not wanting her and people passing by to consider me as a creep.
********
I reached home about three hours ago and I presume the time is around 7 PM. I haven't stopped thinking about the episode with Chen ever since. Why am I not like others? Not normal? A normal boy my age would probably be head over heels about Chen and would be thinking of how to confess love and not how to talk. I am pathetic, mum was right. No matter how independent I talk of myself to be I am still Ash. Ash who would rather live in his dark room inside instead of seeing the bright sun outside. Ash who would prefer the internet over real conversations. Ash who would, given a chance, stop talking to everybody. I am disgusted of my myself. I roll my sleeves up to see the deep scars on my wrists and trace them. The voices in my head keep saying it, it being 'do it Ash, you deserve it, you freak, you are unwanted, everyone hates you'. I let out a sigh and play some music before burying my face into the pillow.
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a/n
SORRY, for dragging it so long but I wanted few of Ash's fears to be revealed. I know how they were almost oblivious but not to mannnnnnnnnnnny , or so I guess.
x kate x
YOU ARE READING
Flower Blossoms
RomanceThey were polar opposites, one was a florist and the other, a tattoo artist. He was the grey clouds and she was the clear blue sky. He despised her happiness because he couldn't have that much of it. She cared for him. And then its too late for them...
