Sixteenth Summer

What happened?

    Days turned to weeks and I found myself being more accepting of the fact that grandpa wasn't here anymore. I thought I would always live with these feelings of agony, but now all I feel are the bittersweet feelings that the memories of him bring me. These memories that come to me during any time of the day for whatever reason, but they are what keep me up and smiling most of the days.

    Ash sometimes notices when I am down, but most of the time he sees right through the façade I put up. Many people in town take my façade and just think that I am over what happened, but it is far from the truth.

    The times I spend with Ash help me a lot and I find that it is easier to smile now. What would have happened to me if I had not seen Ash that day?

    I just shook my head to clear that thought. No, I would not let myself get weak. I had grown so much since the day that my grandpa left us. I wouldn't let anything bring me back down.

    I went to my room, as usual, and got into bed. It was 10:17 at night, from what my clock said, and I usually stay up later than this, but tonight I felt exhausted. The berry picking we did in the morning was awesome, but I was feeling the after effects of it. The heat and intensity of the sun was too strong and I saw that I had developed a tan. I almost got sunburned, but I saw that it wasn't as bad.

    I had showered and put on aloe vera gel on my body before I got into bed. Now as I'm on the bed, I start to think of all the possibilities that could happen for the rest of the summer that I am here for. I literally have done nothing here. That realization hit me so hard that I sat up. What happened to all the times where I would go to fix my grandpa's truck in his garage in the back? Did grandpa sell the truck? Is it even in the garage?

    Those thoughts kept me from enjoying my sleep. It was as if I was feeling guilt for not even thinking about the truck that my grandpa spent so much of his time on. I was going to find that truck in the morning.

    The next morning, true to what I had said, I woke up early to go look for the truck. It was chilly outside, but I didn't let that deter me from my task. I just put on a sweater I found in the back of my closet, which by the way fit me a little small, and went out the back door to avoid waking my parents or my grandma. I looked suspicious and felt a little guilty because I didn't let anybody know where I was going. However, I needed to find that truck.

    I went down the trail that my grandma had in her backyard to the garage in the back. It was quite a walk to make since it was deep into the forest surrounding the cottage. Once I made it there, I saw that the lock was open. Weird, I thought, but I shook my head and slid open one of the doors. What I saw in there made me gasp and almost scream from fright. Ash was in there, sleeping on one of the beds that my grandpa put there in case he was working late.

    I just stared at him for a while. Thoughts were rushing through my head, but there was only one question that seemed to repeat itself. Why is he here? Why is he here? Why is he here?

    I realized that I had never asked him about his family or where he was staying at. It was always as if he lived with us because he would always spend time with me and my family. All the Thanksgivings, Christmases, birthdays, and summers were spent with us. I had never realized that maybe his family would have been upset that he had not spent any time with them. Maybe I was selfish all this time and I treated him as if I were more important.

    I went over to him and took out a chair to sit next to him. He looked younger and more relaxed when he was asleep. I also saw that he has been keeping his hair shorter than before, but it would still get in his face. His face is more angular and sharp now that he has grown, and his shoulders got wider. Gone is the boy of my memories.

    I stayed there for a while before I remembered what I came to do. I stood up and looked around. The garage is still the same as always, but there is no more dust in here. The garage looked lived in. It wasn't that far back that my grandpa passed away, but it would still have collected dust if it was abandoned. I saw that the truck had the hood open and there were tools around it showing that Ash or someone is still working on it.

    I let out a breath of relief and just laughed at how foolish my thoughts and panic were last night. Of course the truck would still be here. Nobody but my family and Ash know where the garage is.

    "Good morning, love."

    I think I was too loud as I walked in here and moved around.

    "What are you doing here at this hour?" he asked.

    "I-I was making sure that nobody had wrecked or sold my grandpa's truck," I responded nervously.

    He stared at me with an expression that I couldn't make out. He let out a hollow laugh that brought me pain. Why is he being like this? What happened to him while I wasn't here?

    I went up to him. I wrapped my arms around him and buried my face in his chest. I knew I was being foolish, but he needed to know that someone was here for him. He needed to realize that he was not alone. Somebody loved him and needed him.

    I almost started to cry when he would not respond to the hug. My lower lip started to tremble as well as my body. I was trembling with pain at not knowing what to do to help him. Not knowing what happened to make him be the way he is. Maybe he hates me for leaving him behind for so many years...

    I held on for a moment longer before I let go. I turned around before he could see my tears. I wouldn't let him feel pity for me when I have these feelings. If this is what Ash wanted, then he accomplished it. Making me fall for him all over again to leave me in pain afterwards. I wonder if any of what he has told me meant anything.

    Ash was silent. His silence only brought on more pain. I walked to the door and before I closed it I murmured 3 words that surprised him.

    "I'm sorry, Ash."

    If only I had seen the tear that fell from his eyes as I left...

    If only I was aware of his past, then maybe I would have understood.

    If only I understood, then maybe I wouldn't have been where I am today.