Never Been Hurt // Zianourry

3. If they only knew

-Eleanor's P. O. V.-

"Just come here and I'll be waiting,"

"Um, El, I really need to. . . Um, I'm sorta busy t-"

"Let me guess. You'll be hanging out with Harry again," I snap at the phone holding it tightly. I almost crush it because of anger. Why on earth does he spend time with Harry more than me? I'm his girlfriend, nothing more, nothing less.

"No. . . Well, okay, yes," he says with his voice trembling. I put my palm on my forehead and brush my dark hair upward. "But I promise, tomorrow, we-"

"You always promise but never do it!" I say at the top of my lungs, tears bursting out of my eyes. I grit my teeth and hang up the phone. I never yelled at him. I never hung up on him. I don't know, my wrath is just so hyper this time and I couldn't take it anymore. I've always been strong for him but now, it's too much. He never does his promises. Never. He just says it but then he never does it. I'm really tired of him already but I just really, really love him so much I can't let him go. The problem is he never sees my effort and my love for him. I never see him happy with me, to be honest. But when he's with Harry, he's so glad like he's gonna die. Yes, we're in a relationship, but I never felt like I have him as my boyfriend. When I call his phone, he never greets me the way he greets Harry. When I give him gifts, he's just like, 'thank you, El' but when Harry gives him gifts, he hugs him so hard. I don't know if he sees me as his girlfriend. I even don't know if he can see me. Maybe he just never loved me.

I rush into my room and sit on my bed where Louis never sleeps on. I stare at the mirror, looking at the hopeless girl crying and crying.  I put down my hands from my face then gaze long at my wrist where scars from the past show. Yes, I used to cut my wrist then Louis miraculously stopped me from doing it. Maybe he will notice me again when I start doing this again. Maybe when I put a lot of wounds all over my body, I will be no longer invisible to him. Maybe when I'm bleeding to death already, he will start loving me and taking care of me. That's a good idea. I stop crying for a while, breathe heavily, and start looking for sharp things on my room. The sunlight from the window enters and starts helping me until it strikes onto a small blade. It reflects the light and I gladly pick it up and give it a sweet kiss. It accidentally makes a small wound on my lower lip, but I just laugh and start to strike my wrist with it.

"Aagh," I gasp as I wedge the blade one more time. This hurts a lot. Well, I can handle physical pain more than emotional. I start to cry again but then again continue to cut my wrist hastily. It makes me squeal but the blood coming out makes me giggle. I cut and cut and cut. My wrist now's uglier than ever. Wounds are enveloping my skin and the red liquid just burst and burst out of it. My white shirt is now painted with red and it's like I swam on a bloody lake. I see Louis' head everywhere and see flying elephant beside me. My head spins and all the things in my room start to move towards me. The stinging sensation I feel on my left wrist makes me laugh hard.

"I want more pain," I whisper at the girl who really looks like me on the mirror and I watch her as she cuts her right cheek with the blade showing the letter 'L'. She screams in pain, but then again laughs, and cries, until we both fall on the floor.

-Harry's P. O. V.-

He's hand on mine makes me blush as we walk on a park where no one sees us. Louis invited me to have a walk here. Well, it's still morning so the morning air's cold. He's the one who held my hand first and I can't keep calm. My heart's screaming inside but I make myself stable by inhaling the fresh air that touches our faces. Oh, how I wish we could be like this forever. Bad thing though, it's very impossible. Louis isn't like me. He's not gay. He's got Eleanor. I'm the one who is, and he should never know that. Louis knows I'm straight, but he doesn't know I'm inlove with him since we were 10. Yes, we're best friends but I love him more than best friends. I want to be with him forever and also with Niall, but I know they will just see me as their friend. They will just see me as a straight guy. Why is my life like this? Why couldn't get what I want? Who I want?  Why aren’t Lou and Ni a homo so I could live happily together with one of them forever and ever? I want one of them to be my prince, yet I don't know if they want me to be their princess.