A Series of Unfortunate Events: My Life

{ chapter 1: he doesn't love you }

You know it's true. The conversations have been getting shorter, less meaningful. You don't notice it, until one night before bed, after saying goodnight, you decide to read through them. And you struggle to find the last time he told you he loves you, voluntarily. Without you saying it first, or without a prompt. You have to scroll through until last week, you finally see it. And as you read, you realise that you've been drifting apart. Your conversations have become nothing but a series of 'How are you?' and after a few messages, the cycle repeats.

You don't want to admit it, but really, you should take a break. It might fix it. But you know it won't do anything. Because, really, if you left for a day, even three, he wouldn't notice you haven't replied. He probably wouldn't even send a second hey, let alone give you a second thought.

Then you remember all the times he slipped up. The time he didn't tell you – you of all the people he was friends with, all the people in the world – that he got back together with his girlfriend. He thought the fact that he told you that they "were cuddling" would somehow make you realise they were back together. The weekend before your birthday too. When he knew perfectly well you liked him. But, did he take that into consideration? No.

Little did that meaningless boy know, you spent the afternoon holding yourself together. Your best friend – however – knew that you weren't okay, because you were happy all day, then she read the messages after snatching your phone off you to stop you crying. She read it, and told you to come for a walk. And on that very walk, you cried. You screamed to the highest pitch you ever have before. You kicked trees, not caring if you hurt yourself, because nothing would ever hurt this much as the pain you felt right at the very moment. Your best friend has been texting him, and won't let you see your phone because you knew you'd throw it and break it. She did let you see it finally, when you begged her. You saw his message, saying he was sorry. You didn't care, he'd hurt you so damn much. But, you did forgive him, because you loved him, you fool. You would forgive him in a heartbeat, a second, whether he'd murdered a stranger, or someone you knew.

You talked to him after that ordeal, and you got over it so quickly, it was if you never had a mental breakdown. But, you didn't know how to act around him anymore. What was the right way to act around someone you liked, but had a girlfriend? He didn't seem to care when you talked like you used to, but you had a problem with it. You couldn't talk to someone you liked in such a way, because it just wasn't right. There were no boundaries, no lines to not cross, and it didn't feel right. Eventually, you realised the saying 'it's so wrong, its right' came into play.

Through it all, you didn't realise it, my dear. After all,

He didn't love you back.