Bad Dreams

Chapter 5

    Another night, another scare. This had become my motto for falling asleep. I now believed that I was hopeless; these dreams had been happening for two and a half weeks. I was now constantly tired, and I felt bad. Arin excused me from work for a whole week now because of my insomnia. It hurt me to address my insomnia as such, though. It made me feel like there was something wrong with me. There probably was.
    "Sweet dreams," Arin cooed to me, trying to calm me down. He had done that same thing for a week. He placed a kiss on my forehead. This routine no longer felt special, just repetitive and predictable, as always.
    As much as it hurt me (and Arin. Mostly Arin.), I simply shook off the kind gesture with a shrug. I couldn't bother to pretend like I cared. I see a disappointed look on Arin's face. Again. For the fifth night in a row. I felt absolutely shattered for the twelfth night in a row. I remember the first two nights being easy to get through compared to now. The nights felt endless and terrifying to face, even if none of it was real.
I lay down, facing away from Arin, trying to distance myself from him. I couldn't take his presence. It almost made me cry. Again. For the third night in a row. The only change tonight was that I stopped crying, and grew somewhat numb to Arin.
Medication hadn't helped; we already tried. Therapy hadn't helped; we already tried. Time off hadn't helped; we already tried. No amount of comfort helped; we tried that, and I guess we still were, in a sense. It didn't help, though. I just want someone to save me.
I ended up crying again, thinking of it all. I guess it was an entirely normal night, after all. Crying myself to sleep had become commonplace. I tried in vain to disguise my sniffles and quiet cries from Arin, but failed, as always. I still care about you, Arin, I think, I just can't stand to look at anyone. Even you. Tears fell in a larger quantity as I think these words I wish I could say to him. Even if I make it through the nightmares, would Arin even bother to talk to me? Would he kick me out of his house? Fire me? Would I ever talk to him again?
• • •
"Arin! No nightmares! ... Arin?" He...wasn't here. He- he's already up, then.
I rush down the stairs, feeling excited, well-rested, even, to see Arin, to tell him the news. He's not in any room. I check everywhere, searching every room in the near-empty house. Arin was nowhere to be seen.
I feel my eyes well up with tears. Did he leave me?! Arin?! No, Arin, please no. I need you. ... He's...at work. Yeah. I'll take comfort in that. He just wanted an early start.
I'm at work now. Nobody has seen Arin. Everyone is sad, scared, and confused. They turn to me, the hate in their eyes burning through me. They looked right through me. The eyes were fixated on me.
"It's your fault!" Someone shouted; I can't recall whom.
Everyone joins in, and before I know it, I'm the scapegoat. It's my fault for Arin's disappearance. I burst into tears again under all the pressure.
I find myself searching for him the entire day, wanting to prove them wrong, but more importantly, I just want Arin back.
"ARIN!" I yelled out with all my power. People were staring at me. I didn't care.
The whole day, no Arin. He's gone, completely disappeared. So, I went to sleep, and cried.
• • •
"Arin?" I muttered, waking. Hoping Arin would be there. He wasn't. I felt myself start to cry, and I collapse into a little ball on the spot where Arin used to reside. His scent still lingered. I curl up under the blanket, holding myself close, savoring the last trace I could get of him, "I'm sorry... I'm sorry..."
Steps coming up the stairs. Who's come to taunt me now? All I do is snuggle closer to where Arin used to reside, defenseless. I don't speak anymore; I have nothing more to lose.
"Dan!" Arin's cheerful and prideful voice sang happily until he looked at me, and I felt my heart sting as I hear him run towards me. He's alive. He's really alive!
"A-a-you-" I can't even form words, can't even gasp his name in shock.
"Can I get close?" It hurt to hear him have to ask that. I had been so mean to him.
"Y-y-mh-" I try to choke out, but end up just nodding.
"What happened?" Arin held me, "Nightmares?" I nodded, "Sharks?" No. I shook my head in disagreement, "Falling?" Again, I shook my head. "Stabbing?" Again with that repetitive motion.
    I simply pointed one of my fingers at Arin, and tried again to speak, "Y-y-you," I stop to breathe.
    "Me?" Arin seemed perplexed at my brief explanation, if you could even call it that, "I'm okay," I could've sworn I saw Arin wipe away tears because of me.
    "A-Ar-" I got cut off by myself; I was still wildly crying, so I just nuzzle into his chest, appreciating every little thing about him. He's warm, soft, caring...
    "Arin," he finished, slightly grinning at me, warming my heart.
"I-I w-wu-wan' a-a k-ki- ss," I managed to force out, not being able to understand what I said, even though I planned to say it.
"Kiss?" Arin asked, amused. I nodded eagerly, "You think I'd give you a kiss..." He starts, pausing to let me think about what I had done to hurt him, "and just a kiss? You haven't even had breakfast yet! I was downstairs trying to make you something, to make you feel better, so maybe you'd forgive me," he smiled sadly at me.
"N-ngh-nooo..." I whined, "M-muh- my fff- fau-fault."
"Aww," Arin grinned at me, "Sexy widdle baby Danny's saying his first words!"
"K-kk-iss..." I sighed weakly, my brain weary.
Arin pulled me in without warning, our lips colliding. Arin had me pushed up against him, no room to breathe. I loved it; it made my feel warm and welcome and safe all at once. Arin only backs away to break the kiss when he sees I absolutely couldn't take it anymore.
"That good for you?" Arin asked, satisfied with his work, seeing my blissful expression.
"Mhm," my voice has become much more steady. I still shook, but not from an uncontrollable sadness, just to catch my breath.
"I love you," Arin whispered. I was glad to have his love again.
"Love you..." I whisper faintly.
"Breakfast?" Arin asked.
"Ahh," I open my mouth, waiting and smiling, knowing the food was in the kitchen.
"One sec," Arin exited for the kitchen; I cling to his leg.
"S-sta-y."
"Okay," Arin beamed at me, "No food though."
"Th-that-'s kay."
"My poor baby," Arin sighed at my current state, "What am I going to do with you? I can't just have you rest..."
"'M kay. Ifff y-you st-sttay."
"I'll stay, then. You rest. Good luck," Arin hugs me again as I fall asleep. No nightmares.
~
I wake up, nightmare-free, Arin tiredly looking down at me with a fond expression. The moment I wake up, I sense a brief concern.
"No nightmares!" I felt so energetic, more than I had in a while, "I- I can sleep now," I give Arin a genuine smile.
"Really?!" Arin hugged me tight, "I'm so glad."
"Hah," I cried for the last time in a while, but this time, there were only tears of relief and gratefulness.
"If I am to be honest, though," Arin blushed deeply, embarrassed, "I enjoyed your senseless babbling, too."
"Mhh..." I stay quieter for Arin, "A-oka-" I nodded, teasing him, rewarding him for his hard work.
That's how we spent the rest of our day. We had our fun. I haven't had anymore nightmares since.