Black

Chapter One

     I walk out into the cold Chicago night of November. Just turning 17 last month, my mother finally let me walk out by myself. I always nagged her about going out by myself but she was always got scared about what could happen to me because of three things: I'm black, a female and I live in the ghetto.
     Being one of those things is freighting enough, but being all three of those things is a nightmare. Especially after hearing things on the news about small black girls being raped and killed. My mother wouldn't even think about such a thing, let alone actually let her only daughter out by herself.
     With my Walkmans on one of my ears, I walked down the street to the bus stop. Ever since my mother let me go out by myself, I like to go to places I've never been to. Living in Chicago there are few things that may catch your eye but not too exciting. So far, I mean.
     After paying the bus driver, I sit down and listen to the song that I'm playing.
     Tupac Shakur. Makaveli.
      I shake my head up and down to the beats of the song as I listen to his poetic words.
     "Some say the blacker the berry, the sweeter the juice. I say the darker the flesh, then the deeper the roots." He raps. His speaking of color go in one ear and out the other.
     I never really liked my color. I always wished I was lighter. The lighter are privileged. They get the fancy cars and houses while others, like people in my neighborhood, have to live in houses that have two incomes, but only equal the income of a teacher. If you think about it, it's not that much considering most of the grown folk on my block have more than three kids. We struggle everyday and don't get shit for it.
     As I'm listening to song after song, I watch as the building pass by. Getting bigger and bigger. I get off at a random stop and take in my surrounding.
     It doesn't look much different compared to my place. Kids are playing out in the streets, grown ups are drinking and talking. Almost every other home looks old or on its way to old.
     I walk past everything while looking at every detail. Beer bottles, plastic wrappers and cigarettes line the streets. I make sure to look behind me every now and then. Afraid that the stories on the tv will happen to me. I look back also because I feel someone was watching me. It's triggering my anxiety but I try to calm down by pulling on the rubber band on my arm.
     I walk I few more feet up but then hear foot steps. I turn around. My hand shaking and my breathing getting heavier.
      "Hello?" I shout out, only to hear no one reply back.
     I turn back around and get startled by a big figure. I scream and stumble back but the arms catch me.
     "Damn, Nina. Why the screaming? You're gonna get me arrested. The police are always on my back, you know." I hear the voice chuckle and I instantly recognize.
     "James! What the fuck was that for?" I say trying to recover from my scare.
     "For being out here all alone. You know how mama feels about this."
     James is one of my older brothers. I never really talked to him because he was always out with his friends and didn't really come home until a few days. He really supportive and protective of me when he did come around. I could talk to him when he's home but sometimes he just got on my nerves.
     "You know I just turned 17. Mama said I can go out by myself now. I'm not a little girl anymore. You don't have to baby me. Besides, it's daytime. I wouldn't get hurt."
     He wraps his arm around my shoulder and pinched my cheek. "But you're my baby sister. It's hard to see you grow up. I always want to protect you."
     "Considering you haven't been there for half of it, I wouldn't be able to believe that. Just like dad." I whisper that last part because I didn't know if it would hurt him but that was how I felt.
     "I may not be home everyday but at least sometimes I am." He said as we walked further down the road. He gave me his signature half smile and squeezed my shoulder.
     "Is this where you go when you're not home?" I ask.
     "Nah, I was going home when I saw you getting out of the house so I decided to see what you were doing."
     "Stalker much?"
     "Nope. Just don't want to see you being places you ain't supposed to be at alone."
     "Could've just asked to tag along." I say, shaking his arm of my shoulder. 
     "What fun would go into that?" He said chuckling.
     "Now you're just annoying me." 
     "You say annoying, I say amazing brother being nice to his trouble some sister. Aren't you glad you have someone so thuggishly loving?"
     I try to hide my smile. "I already feel sorry for anyone who wants to marry you."
     "Sometimes I think that too." He looks up to the sky, thinking. Just like the people on tv. "Anyways, let's get you home. It's cold out here. You need to stay warm."