home. // Based on a True Story

prologue

once upon a time in a kingdom filled with knights & kings, a princess decided to fall for a fool.

it's fun how close that statement describes how I fell for my best friend. but in this case I was no princess & this wasn't a fairy tale, there is no happy ever afters in real life.

it all started my freshman year of high school, when I decided to grow a pair & tell the boy I liked that I liked him, all nice & dandy, right? well not quite..

see it all happened when I was in of my many awkward phase in 9th grade. my brain told me to tell my best friend that I liked him - now you're probably to the point where you would call me mad. & the honest truth maybe I am. - but none of that matters now cause he knows. It's sensible to say that I probably shouldn't have done it. & maybe you are right. but I did. why did i decide to fall for my best friend? well maybe I can explain it to you. It all started the first time I really seen him smile. It's funny thinking about it now, because it's crazy to fall for someone's smile. but when you think about it, what makes it so crazy? I loved his smile, looking back now, I don't regret loving his smile, because I actually loved something that deserved it. I bet you are laughing at exactly how pathetic I sound, but that's what it's like when you fall for someone. you don't just love one thing about that person, you love everything about that person. their flaws don't seem like flaws, they seem like perfection. every mess up or accident is never anything but cute or funny. but it's never easy falling for your best friend. Heck, it's not easy falling for anyone, but when you add in someone you've known your entire life, things can get complicated. everything changes even when he says it won't, of course it's going to be different. you just told the guy you liked - which just so happens to be your best friend (you're a real genius) - him. you would be stupid to not think things changed. It really changes when he says the words "I don't like you like that." you feel your entire world stop rotating and you are just sitting there, like "how did all of this come to this." yet everyone tells you no one's to blame but your own self. sometimes that realization can hit you harder than a baseball in the face. and you were the stupid idiot that actually thought he could like you, when you know you could never compare to all those girls that he "talked" to. it's almost so funny i could laugh at myself, because I was at a time in my life where I didn't care about rejection, I mean I had been rejected many many times before, why would that bother me? But it was something about him, that was so different. so different that it has captured my attention for many many years and still to this day. how could i possibly love someone so much, and them look at me as only a friend. it seems to be getting under my skin here lately, for some reason. and it's not fair. not to me at least. it's funny cause no one has ever asked me what I wanted, not that I even know myself what I want, but it would be nice to try and figure it out. I've always asked myself, "what would you do if you had him?" I'll tell you, I would love him and never let go. you are probably thinking, won't the feelings for him go away over time, its been 5 years, I don't think these feelings are going anywhere, but if there is even a slightest chance that he could love me, there's no way, come hell or high water would I ever be able to forget or let go of the way I feel.