This One's For You (An Austin Carlile Love Story)

Chapter Fourteen: Be Not Afraid

"Nothing important." Alan lied, sitting up from his seat. I was tense and hadn't dared to move. Austin was still standing behind me though, he hadn't left. I took a deep breath and finally got up, sweeping my hair away from my face and walking back to the entrance of the tent. Before I left, I looked back at Austin and tilted my head a bit, hoping he would understand.

I stood outside the tent in the back, where no one could see us. I paced a bit with my arms crossed over my chest. I didn't know exactly what I was going to say, but I know I was going to say something. Alan walked out, smiling at me and giving me a hug before leaving. Austin came out a little later, and seeing the sadness in his eyes killed me. He shoved his hands into his pockets and took a step closer.

"Austin, I..." I paused, knowing I was in no place to just apologize to him, but I continued on anyways. "What I did? I did it with no explanation, and it was a bad thing to do. Because no matter how hard I try and convince myself that you deserve better, I can't live without you. I-" my words were cut off as Austin crushed his lips into mine.

I was in shock at first and my body was stiff. But after I quickly processed what was going on the tension in my limbs and muscles loosened, my arms wrapped around Austin's neck, and his arms wrapped even tighter around my waist. My heart was racing, my thoughts were blurry, and I was running out of breathe. When we broke apart we were heaving, trying to gather air into our lungs.

"That was all I needed to hear." He whispered, leaning his forehead against mine.

"It didn't feel right, the way we were together. And I have so many things wrong with me. That's why I left you the way I did." I croaked, biting down on my bottom lip.

"Blair, none of us are perfect. I just don't want you to feel like you need to shut me out." He comforted, pulling me into his chest.

"Austin, right now, it's not a good time for me. Some things came out recently and everything is askew." I mumbled against his shirt.

"Do you want to tell me?" He asked, planting a kiss on the top of my head.

"Right now isn't the best time." I chuckled softly, breaking from his embrace. He laughed and threw his head back, realizing once again where we were.

"Tell me when and where." He smiled, grasping hold of my hand, pulling me choose again.

"Can we wait a bit? Get Warped Tour going, try and process it?" I asked sweetly. It was all still fresh in my mind, still processing. I wasn't even sure how to react to my father's letter right now. First it was anger and resentment, now; I wasn't sure.

"Just promise me that we'll talk about it?" He smiled, his grasp on my hand still firm. I looked into his hazel eyes, seeing them light up and filled with happiness; when before all there was, was sadness. I never wanted him to feel like he did, but the thought will forever remain in my mind: Austin deserves better.

"I promise." I smiled back, planting a kiss on his cheek. I would never understand how something so wrong, felt so right. "I have to get inside, I have bands to cover." I frowned a bit, wanting to spend more time with him. I never realized until now, that I was so two sided.

One minute I'm telling him to leave, and how every bit of this is wrong. And the next, we're kissing outside the AP tent and I tell him I can't live without him. I guess my mind is telling me two different things. No, I can't live without him, my life would be incomplete. Yes, this was wrong and it goes against every one of my morals. But which was lesser of the two evils?

"Okay, I'll talk to you later?" He asked, drawing me in close again.

"If I'm not swamped." I shrugged, teasing him. "I have eight bands to cover, four per issue."