Baby Doll (Harry Styles)

Chapter 14 - Decisions

The clock struck 2.

A single ceiling lamp was lit in the kitchen as I stood infront of the counter. Darkness surrounded me, encouraging my only desire at the moment. It overtook my senses. I was lost. I couldn't think straight. Depression invaded my mind and clouded all rational thoughts.

I glanced at my hand as I reached out. I never realised I was this pale. My fingers began to tremble faster as they neared the knife. I pulled the sharp object out of its wooden block, and I caught a glimpse of my reflection. I had never looked this way. I clasped the hilt tight between my damp palms as I shut my eyes tight, struggling to block out any second thoughts.

Every agony, every pain would vanish after this, I thought. You can do it, Lia. You'll be with dad.

Tears wetted my cheeks as they poured out uncontrollably. A wild haze inhabited my mind. My eyes only shot open when I felt the sharp tip through the material of my sweater - it touched my stomach. I stopped, holding it there. This is real.

This pain will only be temporary, it'll be gone in a flash along with everything else, I heard a voice tell me in encouragement. I felt a hard lump in my throat.

"Thalia?" Another shot of reality. "What the hell are you doing?" The voice was louder now.

The knife was snatched out of my hands and I saw it slide across the tiles of the kitchen floor. Then I felt my arms being gripped. I was spun around to face Harry. I saw two of him. I really couldn't process what was happening but I felt safe.

My vision became more blurry with every second that passed and the pain I felt on my head had become excruciating. "Lia," I heard my name many times but Harry's voice grew smaller everytime he called it out.

My knees suddenly felt weak. I was no longer able to support myself, and I gave up completely. But I didn't fall. Instead, I found myself being lifted.

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 The slight burn I felt at my lids made me realise it was no longer night even before I opened my eyes. I'd been out for quite a while. What happened? I kept asking myself.

 My hands clenched, pulling the sheets beneath me. An unlit chandelier hung above me and a strong smell of cologne floated about. This was not my room.

I sat up quickly and my head pounded with the action. I was reminded of Richard hitting me. I felt over my head and noticed that a bandage had been wrapped around it. The headache was gone and the pain had lessened.

When the haze in my mind cleared completely, I realised that I was in Harry's room. Then I remembered what I'd attempted to do last night. I shuddered at the thought of how I was actually going to go through with it.

Not only was it a completely irrational thing to do, it was also selfish. I wasn't thinking about the consequences. I ignored the fate I'd drive my family into if I went through with killing myself.

I just felt trapped, lost and alone. I was in a chess game where I knew I would lose no matter how many moves I played, and for a moment I just wanted to quit. I wanted to give up.

The door was left ajar and Mrs Briffen pushed it open with a knee as she entered with a food tray. She sat on the foot of the bed, placing the tray beside me. "How are you feeling, dear? You got us very worried last night."

"Why am I in Harry's room?"

"He wanted to keep an eye on you for the night after the doctor left. Since your room is on the far end it would be difficult to do so if you stayed there. Don't worry, he slept on the couch downstairs." She explained as she poured tea into a cup on the tray.