JeanxArmin

Im sorry Armin- one shot

It was a typical Friday afternoon, getting teased, name calling and sometimes pushed around. But I'm used to it by now. It's been like this for about 3 years I guess. I bet your wondering why. Let me explain. My name is Armin, and I'm what society call gay. Yes, I'm gay. At least that's what everyone says I am. What's the point of categorizing us female and male? So what, I enjoy dance, art, cheer. Sports just aren't my thing. I tried, and dislocated a shoulder. My point is, I don't appreciate being laughed at behind my back. If I said I didn't care what they said about me, I would be lying to myself. Honestly, I wish I didn't, but words cut as deep as a knife. The saying 'sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me' yet complete and total lie.
So here I am sitting at the back of the class by myself. Not that I mind. I don't need fake friends. The ones that turn on you when situations get to hard to handle.
And this brings me to Jean, my so-called best friend. We're ex-best friends now.
Ever since news got out I was "different" we stopped hanging out. We were on totally opposite society level. Me at the bottom. Him at the top.

"Armin!" Miss Harfil yell out in front of me, bring me back to reality. "So-sorry what?" I smiled apologizing. "I do not appreciate being ignored in my own class room. Detention!" She slammed a pink slip on my desk and went back to teaching whatever. Starting at the slip and stuffed in the pockets of my jeans.
"Isn't the pink slip for the girls" Shasha laughed. "Well he, I mean she, is one right?" They were talking loud enough for the entire class to hear, laughing and pointing. Even the teacher had a smirk on her face. I knew she hated me. I needed to keep my anger in check before I blew up and act out of character. Meaning, if I talked back, the spotlight would be on me for who knows how long. I really hated attention. I grabbed my bag and ran out until I reached to rooftop. This was my hid out in school. This is where I could scream and not get judged because no one was here. This is where I usually make the decision between life or death. I've considered this so many times before, not know what's stopping me. I threw my bag on the ground and let it all out. I hated the way that they made me feel. But i hated myself more for letting it get to me.

"Armin?" I heard a deep voice behind me. I knew that voice anywhere. Jean. Slowly turning around "what?" I said giving him daggers. "Are you okay?" He asked sounding concerned. There he goes again. Pretending to care and act like everything's fine, why did he affect me so much. I'm suppose to hate him or at least feel so sort of negative way towards him, but I don't, I only act that way.

"You don't have to pretend to like me, no ones around." It broke my heart to know that Jean was only pretending to be friends with me, maybe because he felt sorry for me? I didn't need his pity, I'm better off alone. This way no one can hurt me. "Who said anything about pretending Armin?" Jean took a step forward and reached out for my shoulder but I shook his hand off, I saw something flash across his face but it went away quickly.

"You don't have to say anything to state the obvious." I said looking him straight in the eye. Jean ran a hand down his hair looking desperate. Since we were face to face I could see the dark bags under his eyes that shows he didn't sleep. Now that I took a closer look his skin got paler and it seems that he lost weight.

"I'm sorry Armin, I'm really sorry-" his body was shaking as he suddenly softly cried. " I'm sorry, I know I haven't been a good friend, I know you probably hate me, I know how much crap you had to go through, I'm such a coward." At this point Jean was shaking uncontrollably on the ground. His tears sliding off his face hitting the concrete. I didn't know what to think. It kills me to see him like this and I hate myself for caring so much. Unsurely, I sat criss cross in front Jean held his hand. "It's fine." I said blushing not meeting his eye as I stared hard on our laced hand. "Armin... I- this is all my fault. I'm sorry I didn't stay by your side when you needed me the most." He said sliding his finger under my chin lifting my head up so we can make eye contact. My heart was beating so loudly I'm sure he could hear it. "Jean... I know I'm holding you back, since that's why you left but I-" "NO!" Jean shouted taking me by surprise. He griped my should shaking his head. "I didn't leave you for that reason. I would never. You could never be the reason to hold me back. I was- I just..." He looked ashamed and scared. "Then why?" I had to know the reason. "Armin... I just, it's complicated." He stood up and walked away facing the view of the school's field.

To think I was going to forgive him, he couldn't give me a proper reason. "I'm so sick of this, you're always hold back on me, just say it! Why?! I'm not good enough for you to tell me?!" I stared screaming at him while hitting his hard chest as tears burn my eyes.

I was out of energy, tired and emotional drained, I'm sure I was hurting myself more than him as I hit his chest. He easily caught my wrist and pressed his lips against mine without any sign of warning. I was so surprised, everything was happing so fast and before I knew it, the kiss ended. Jean rested his forehead against mine as I stared into his mesmerizing eyes, it always seem to captivate me. "I left because I was scared of my feelings... For you." I was out of breath and taken aback by what he just said. I didn't have enough his to register what happened as his lips found mine once again .