Free Fall

Prologue

"Look at the stars, look how they shine for you..."

Up here, on the very edge of the highest building in Makati, I can clearly see the beautiful cityscape of Manila. My heart is beating so loud and my body is shaking. I'm sitting above a city; my feet hanging 230 meters from the ground. I try to calm myself so I look up the sky. But I see no stars. Maybe it's the smog. How sad, the stars couldn't even see me overcome my fear.

I take a deep breath for the last time as I think of us.

It was Summer 2012 when we first bumped into each other-literally. And little did I know that the guy who was wearing that weird goofy smile would bring color into my life.

We spent the whole summer sneaking into each other's room. We exchanged stories, shared silly jokes, and sometimes we just lay next to each other without saying anything until we fall asleep.

It was very unlikely to find happiness in a psychiatric facility. You told me you were confined because of depression, like I was. You tried to kill yourself, like I did. You didn't have to tell me because I saw scars on your wrists. You used to cut. You must've been so brave to hurt yourself like that and endure the pain. But you told me, "No. I did this because I was afraid. I cut because I don't want to live anymore. I gave up on life and that makes me a coward."

Weeks passed and the doctors said that we're improving-that we're becoming "less" depressed. We talked every night about how excited we are to finally go home. Like we finally have something to live for. That night, you told me you love me and kissed me for the first time. You promised me that we'll overcome this together and we'll begin again and become better. All I knew was that whatever was there between us, I didn't want it to end. I didn't want us to end.

But one morning, two days before our release, I woke up to the noise of nurses and doctors rushing to your room. You were found dead. You hanged yourself. And you left me here, fighting alone.

You left me. How could you? I still can't comprehend why you suddenly gave up on yourself... on us. You were the best yet the worst feeling I've ever had. It hurt so much. It still hurts.

But the worst days have passed. I escaped from my nurses today. The doctor told me I'm becoming worse. I tried to move forward but all my hope is gone now. You were my hope and you are gone. There's nothing to live for.

You broke your promise.

You left me more broken than ever.

For the last time, I look up the sky. I smile as I see one star shinning up above the cloudy sky like a silver lining. It must be Polaris, the North Star, I thought. I can feel the wind embracing my shaking body, like it's comforting me. But no comfort can make me feel any better.

Without looking back, I stand at the very top of the building. I breathe heavily as I free my heavy wings.

Wait for me.

I jump and I fly to where he is.