Drip drop.
Drip drop.
The rain fell down my unshielded face, pouring down my red, tear stained cheeks, which was so easily masked by the rain that fell to the earth. My tie, which I tore off in a temper tantrum in the alleyway two blocks away, after I stopped for breath from sprinting away from the company building for three blocks, was swung over my shoulder, in a defeated sort of way. Sentences such as, "There has been budget cuts" and "We have to let you go." swirled in my head like a tornado of confusion and fear. I had really needed that job. I mean, I was the only one in a house of four bringing home paychecks, and even though two thousand a month wasn't what we needed, it got us by.
Drip drop.
A city bus pulled into its stop, herding in businessmen and housewives alike, wrapping them up in the warm interior of the bus. I blinked, another tear falling seamlessly with a raindrop. What would I say to my little sister, Suzy, when she would ask why our fridge was empty, and food was scarce? What would my 'Mother' do when she yelled that the alcohol cabinet was empty even though I had no money to sate either of their needs and wants. How would I stop my 15 year old brother from making the choice to get a full time job, instead of attending grade 10, because, I can't provide.
Drip drop.
I took a heavy step onto the road, even though every fiber of my being told me to turn and run or just collapse right there in a fit of anger and blind fear, like I wanted to. My mind wandered to when times were easier, when instead of worrying about bills I would worry about the newest fad in school. or, how much I didn't want to do my biology homework over spring break, because 'That's not fair'.
Drip drop.
I trudged across the street, my, now muddy shoes sloshing with the water that shook my very bones with a chill. I felt so alienated, around everyone laughed and couples walked down the road laughing and smiling under their umbrellas. Those without umbrellas hid under the shelter of the building waiting for the rain to slow or pass completely. Joy was everywhere, music playing from within the building and I walked, eyes dull and full of every emotion except for happiness, as they had been for years.
Drip drop.
I remember, walking into class, laughing with my friends, about some insignificant joke, as we all sat and turned our attention to the teacher who was taking attendance. She called my name and I responded and turned around to hit my friend on the arm playfully, when it happened. "Oh. Oh my gosh." I heard the teacher say. I turned and looked at Mrs.Norbury, who had set down the phone with a subtle, 'okay." and turned to me. "Josh Knox? You're needed in the office sweety." My smile faded completely and I stood and walked out of the class, exchanging, worried and confused expressions with my friends. I walked down the never ending hallway, my mind fluttering.
Drip drop.
I had walked half a city block and I was starting to shiver, and lick my deep purple lips. Normally, I would have taken the bus on such a day, but I was now on a deadly countdown to when I would run out of money in my bank account. so I walked. I didn't mind, I wanted the time to think anyway, or maybe I was just trying to avoid getting home to my two bedroom apartment that was another 45 minute walk away.
Drip drop.
I walked into the school office, if you could call it that, more like a cluster of bodies of people I did and didn't know. I knew one by the outfits they wore, a policeman. iI looked around for the front desk, but there was so many people, all saying my name. I was confused. I turn to back away my mind swirling with one coherent thought. "What's happened?" I fell back over my own foot and I fell back on to the ground. "hello!" I shouted out as if there was no one in the office. They all turned and looked at me with the same pitiful expression, but only one person came to help me up. She was nice, and I assumed at the time, a new secretary. She pulled me into a conference room, where the policeman came in after. "Josh. There was a fire. Your mother and father were home, but--" The policeman stopped and looked down at his shoe. "Only your mother made it out." They kept talking about the cause and such but everything had faded. I felt as though someone forced open my mouth and pour hot lava down my throat. and as it swirled and festered, I heard the sobs of someone, but it took me five minutes to realizes the wails of despair was coming from my throat.
Drip drop.
I stood outside my apartment building, just across the street. Every emotion flooding through me, that same lava coursing its way through my body, giving me the sensation of being on fire. There was no one here so I let out a howling scream. I was so angry. I hadn't deserved any of this! I worked hard. I stepped up when my dad died. I kicked a garbage can. I was the who dropped out of school to provide. I was the one who helped my brother and sister with their homework while my mother sat in the living room with a glass of wine in her hand and walked whatever was on the tv. I threw my tie into the wall in a wet slap against the brick. "Me! Me! it was all me!" i screamed at the sky thrusting my finger into my chest. I turned and looked around for someone to help me, but there was no kind women to help me. not this time. I stumbled back into the road, and tripped against my foot, falling through the air and hitting my back against the cement. hard. I cried out and clutch my back my vision blurred from the tears that now came freely down my face. I was so enthralled in my second temper tantrum I hadn't even noticed the car that was speeding through the 'empty' street. His headlights illuminated me, 30 feet to late.
Drip drop.
Drip drop.
