Dear Jung Hoseok (JiHope)

Chap 21

'Dear Jung Hoseok (or should I call you J-Hope?),

Thank you, for (maybe?) reading my letters.

I have lost track of how many I have sent, but probably no more than ten or so. You probably don't remember either.

I wish I could say I am better.

I wish I could say I have learnt from my mistakes, I wish I could say I've decided to be happy, to not care about other people's opinion, and to continue my path.

I wish I could be like you.

I wish.

I wish this wasn't my last letter to you.

I wish I could be strong and keep living.

I wish I could continue living this way but I'm destroying myself and it feels good and that is so wrong.

I'm starving my body, and I'm cutting my skin, and I wish I could stop but the pain feels so good.

It feels so good Hoseok, it's so fucked up but it feels so incredibly good.

You're probably wondering how that could feel good.

I can't explain to you the rush that comes with missing a meal, or the rush that comes with cutting myself open.

I don't know what to write anymore.

There's a formation of islands that I used to go to when I was younger.

They're called that because when there is a high tide you can only see five islands, but when there is a low tide you can see six.

Do you think I'll become the seventh?

Please keep eating and stay hydrated!

With love,

from Oryukdo Islands, Busan,

Park Jimin.'