a s t r o p h o b i a

p a i n t i n g s i x

Exam week finally arrived, along with dreary weather and constant rain. The entire campus seemed to be in a state of perpetual sadness, but Yoongi had never felt happier.

The tests Yoongi had to take were enough to make anyone's brain fry, and he felt envious of the art or music majors, who just had to present a portfolio, a music track, or even just throw some paint onto a blank canvas. Yoongi used to have that particular mindset towards artists, he believed they were just lazy bums who created trash and called it art.

But Hoseok changed that mindset.

At the end of every day, Yoongi felt the complete opposite of tired and depleted. Instead, he found his heart doing the erratic beating again, and he could never seem to wipe the grin off his face as he ran towards Hoseok's dorm.

They had made a deal to try and rebuild their friendship again. In Yoongi's eyes, he wasn't too sure what friendship actually meant, so he asked Hoseok.

The light in Hoseok's small dining room emitted a musky orange glow to the rest of the room. The pair were currently enjoying some takeout, while Yoongi flipped through an old sketchbook of Hoseok's.

"What does friendship mean?" Yoongi had asked.

"Hm?"

"Friendship. What is the definition of friendship to you, Hoseok?"

Hoseok laughed, putting down his chopsticks. "Well, I've never actually thought about it."

Hoseok looked at Yoongi, who looked back with a puzzled expression. When Hoseok didn't look away when Yoongi shot him a glare, he huffed and turned back to the sketchbook.

"Friendship can mean a lot of things, and there are certainly a lot of different kinds of friendships." Hoseok started. Yoongi was still leafing through the book, look at the various art medias, but he was intently listening to Hoseok.

"There's the regular form of friendship, which is usually platonic. I think there's a Greek term for it, phil - phila something."

"It's called philia." Yoongi cut in.

"Yeah, philia. But I think that it fits into one of the four different kinds of love."

Then, they sat in silence for a bit, while Yoongi processed what Hoseok had said.

"So, you're saying that friendship to you isn't just friendship, it's actually a form of love?" He asked, finally turning his attention from the book to Hoseok, who was staring at the flickering light bulb.

"Yeah, I guess since love doesn't have a sure definition, neither does friendship."

And it was on that rainy Friday, Yoongi found himself running towards his dorm. It was close to eight o'clock, and since Hoseok was still having his friend delivering a painting at 8:45, he didn't want to be late.

His small feet carried him across the wet sidewalks, and the rain continued to ruthlessly beat down on him, his thin windbreaker doing nothing to protect him, but Yoongi could only think about Hoseok.

Hoseok.

It felt as if his heart was about to burst out of his chest, and Yoongi couldn't even focus on the pain that was stabbing into his lungs from all the running. This time, he would have something in return for Hoseok. Tonight was the night that Yoongi would confess.

Actually, he didn't like to think of it as confessing. It sounded too much like a schoolboy term, and he was now a medical student. He had more important things to think of other then love, the indefinable term.

He was training to be a doctor. Yoongi felt as if he was supposed to have the answer to everything.

He wanted to know why his heart wouldn't keep it's healthy pace whenever he looked at Hoseok, or the paintings on his dorm wall.

He wanted to know why the dim light of the dining room made Hoseok look like an angel.

He wanted to know how Hoseok looked like when he created something he loved, like one of the paintings.

He wanted to know what it felt like to be held in the same hands that made so many masterpieces.

He wanted to know what it felt like when he tipped over the edge, and started to fall. He wanted to know what it felt like to be on the losing side.

Min Yoongi wanted to know what it was like to love Jung Hoseok.

So as he neared the door to his small room, Yoongi was puzzled when he saw a small piece of paper, lying on the welcome mat.

And as he got closer, he saw the faint outline of a pencil sketch. Yoongi's hair was dripping a bit, and a drop of water landed on the page as he bent down to pick it up. When he flipped it over, it was a simple sketch of a heart, and no, not the standard Valentine heart.

It was the muscle that kept nearly every living thing alive.

The heart is a muscular organ about the size of a fist, located just behind and slightly left of the sternum. The heart pumps blood through the network of arteries and veins called the cardiovascular system.

And it was as Yoongi read the message Hoseok wrote, that the floodgates to his own heart broke, and he could do nothing but watch as he fell in love.

You got a smile that could light this place, and I need it, because it gets dark around here.

- Hoseok