Drips

Chapter Four

Fuck. Just great. I'm nervous out of my mind an am about to have an anxiety attack. Woohoo! This is definitely amazing.

Well speak up...Josh says.

Well If you want the truth...

Hurry up! He cuts me off.

I'm bipolar, depressed and anorexic. I have adhd and I self harm.

I knew you selfharmed and were anorexic but that's okay. This is okay. You're amazing and I'll never leave you.

So you're fine with this? I ask

Yes. Of course he answers.

My towel drops to the floor and I get dressed. He always has my clothes with him. My onsie from Pink. I put it on and make up my mind. I won't eat for a few days. Josh hands me a month worth of meds and two baggies. One large bag, one small bag. The small bag had molly and the large bag had weed. My brother knew me well. Very well. I look out the window and think to myself. What if I didn't have such a fucked up life. What if my dad didn't beat up my mom,little sister, and I. What if my brother didn't have asbergers. What if my grandparents were still alive to take me in. What if. So many what ifs. So many questions. I have to go back for my sister. I do.

Josh we have to go back. I say.

For what?

My sister.

You have a sister? He asks.

Yeah a younger one. She's four. We need to go back for her.

OK we will. Let's go to bed and I'll set the alarm for 3. Well get there by four thirty.

Sounds good. I reply.

Goodnight. He says.

Goodnight babe.

We get into bed and I fall asleep quickly. I had the weirdest dream. My sister was telling off my dad and my mom beat him with a chair. They took my brother and got away. It was odd. I wish it was real but that would never happen. It couldn't happen either. I wake up to the sound of an alarm and my boyfriend nudging me. We get ready and go. We'll be back later in the day.

My dad leaves for work at 3 am and my mom leaves at 4 am. I announce.

Ok that works for us then.

Yeah it does.

We drive and drive. An hour and a half later and were there. Josh stays in the car and I go in. I make Emma pack and she makes sure she brings all her toys and her favorite pillows and blankets. We pack food for a few days and say bye to my brother. We ask if he wants to come and he says no. Since our dad doesn't beat him he said he'd be fine. He gives her a hug and a gift and hugs me goodbye. I send Emma out to the car while I pack all my stuff. I grab all my stuff and pack extra clothes and treats for her. I leave the house and go to the garage. I get the car seat for Emma out of the garage and put it in the car. I buckle her in, walk to the front of the car and get in. Josh drives off and we're on our way back to the hotel.

Where we going sister? Emma asks.

Back to the hotel. Its our new home for a while. I explain.

Okay. How long until we there?

Just a little while.

We keep driving and finally get back. We walk up to the room and settle in. I set up her dolls and make her a spot on the bed. I make her a sandwich with chips and she eats her lunch. Josh eats the same thing.

Why don't you eat? He asks.

I'm not hungry.

Come on you need to eat.

We'll talk about this later. I say

My phone keeps ringing. Its my mom. I decide not to answer. She'll just yell at me.