An olive had beaten up Ryan Ross twenty years ago. He was still bitter. He wanted to burn all the olives, but Brendon Urie convinced him not to. Brendon loved olives and also loves Justin Beiber's butt. Unfortunately, Ryan hated both of those things.
When Brendon made Ryan nachos for his birthday, Ryan was ecstatic - until he saw the olives. There were motherfucking OLIVES on his NACHOS! But he stayed calm.
Later, in bed, things were getting steamy. Brendon wanted to try and experiment with different kinds of food. At first they tried milk. That didn't go too well. Then they tried eggs. That was a big mistake.
"Oh, here!" Brendon exclaimed. He was holding a jar of olives. They were sponsored by Justin Beiber! Ryan couldn't believe his eyes.
"Oh. I- I- I didn't know we had those." he stammered.
"I didn't either! But it's great that we have them. This is perfect!" Brendon looked so excited that Ryan couldn't say no.
They returned to the bedroom. Brendon leaned over. Ryan looked down at the jar of olives then down to Brendon's eager face. Ryan sighed. He was going to have to do this, wasn't he?
He stuck his hand into the jar and felt the olives, cringing at the the soft slimy texture. He grabbed a few and prepared to gently insert them.
Once he felt the same squishy texture again, he lost all his nerve. He rammed them into Brendon's butt roughly, causing him to shriek with pain. Ryan got up and ran to the kitchen sobbing. He could still hear Brendon's cries.
Suddenly, they stopped, replaced by moans of pleasure. What the fuck was going on? Ryan slowly stepped up the stairs, lighter at the ready. He walked into the room to see Brendon Urie and Justin Beiber having buttsex with the olives!
A wave of red washed over Ryan's vision. He could barely hear Brendon screaming "No! I can explain!" and Justin's cries for mercy.
The next thing he knew, he was out on the sidewalk with a scratchy police blanket around him, watching his former lover's house go up in flames.
