Changing my sexuality (girlxgirl)

:)

"You're so annoying, Britney!" I laughed as we walked into her house.

"I know but you love me, Santana" she stuck her tongue out at me and ran the stairs to her room. I followed. God if only she knew I actually did love her. God I loved everything about that girl. Her heart, her soul, her amazing personality. Her gorgeous body was just a bonus.

It nearly broke my heart knowing she didn't feel the same way, ya know w her being straight and all.

Yeah I'm lesbian and yes she knows. We know everything about each other. She flopped down on her bed and I sat on the

edge, twiddling my hands.

"Thanks for uh letting me stay here

tonight." I said almost shy. She scooted closer to me and rested a hand on my thigh.

"Hey, you're always welcome here. My door's always open for you Santana." She smiled reassuringly. "And remember if you ever want to talk I'm an epic listener." She grinned.

"Thanks but not today." I mumbled hoping she wouldn't notice my light blush. She nodded her head.

You see my parents are going through an err a little bit of a rough patch in their relationship. Okay maybe more than a little bit. They pretty much just shouted at each other now sometimes they even threw things. I liked to stay out of the house most of the time it was just easier this way. I was distracted w thoughts of my family that I hadn't noticed that she never moved her hand. She seemed to notice the same time I did and quickly pulled away to quickly for my liking.

"Sorry." I shrugged trying to play it off as 'Whatever'

Pause.

"So, Brittany..."

Pause.

Pause.

Pause.

And the pause went on. In the fifteen

years that I've known this girl there has not once been a single awkward silence. This is my fault. It's okay...okay. We just need something to talk about. I can do that, right?

"I told them," I rushed so it sounded like, Itoldthem. That got her attention.

"You told your parents?" She asked. She knew what I was talking about, of course she did.

"Yeah, I thought maybe it would distract them from their fighting, ya know?"

"What did they say?" She moved so she was sitting crossed-legged next to me, facing me.

"Well my dad pretty told me to shut up and he said they didn't have time to worry about my life confusions or something like that. I tried to explain that I wasn't confused about anything. I think my dad was drunk again and that's why they were fighting this time. They told me to get out of the house for 'a little while' whatever that means." She didn't say anything. She just leaned over and hugged me tightly.

I blinked repeatedly not wanting to cry in front of her. "I just make everything worse." I said hating that my voice cracked a little.

She pulled back and held both my shoulders making me face her. "Hey. Don't say that, Santana. You do not make things worse. Okay? Never say that or I might just have to kick your ass." She smiled brightly at me and I laughed almost silently.

"In fact, you make everything better. Remember when I sprained my ankle last year? Everyone was all 'Aw feel better' and they all made me feel like I was freaking crippled. Not you though. You just said, 'Geez you were a terrible dancer before. This is so not going to help your reputation' and made fun of how slow I was. While everyone else made me feel weak you made me feel like nothing was wrong. Oh and remember when Splash died? You had a funeral for him and everything!"

"Well you did love that fish." I interrupted shyly.

She smiled. "Yes I did. And when Noah Puckerman tried to jam his tongue down my throat you totally beat him!" I chuckled nervously. The guy had it coming. He was a total jackass. And maybe I did like her even back then and probably would have beat him up whether he was a jerk or not.

"Anyway," She continued. "The point is you're amazing, okay? And if your parents make you feel any different well then they're just not worthy of a perfect daughter like you, Santana."

I don't know what happened. Well of course I know what happened but I mean I didn't want to do that. Okay well I so did want to but I didn't mean to! I-it just happened. I. Freaking. Kissed. Brittany S. Pierce. I jumped off the bed and I'm sure my face was bright red. "I-I...s-s..." I couldn't even speak. I was mortified horrified yet elated. I kissed her. I actually kissed her! Though the feeling didn't last.

Her stunned face and silence spoke a million words and I started backing out of the room. I tried apologizing again but I was tongue tied and I spun around to run out but accidently knocked a picture of us off her desk and onto the floor. Well there's some foreshadowing for you. The end of our friendship alright, I thought as I ran out of that room out of that house. I didn't stop running until I reached the small park in our neighborhood.

It was empty considering it was almost ten at night and most kids were probably tucked in bed. I walked over to the swing set and sat down swaying back and forth. It was freezing out I should have grabbed my jacket in that embarrassing attempt to leave. I cupped my hands around my mouth and blew warm air into them then hugged myself in attempt to warm my arms also.

It wasn't until then that a tear finally slithered down my cheek and I let myself cry. I let myself sob. Why did I have to do that? God, I do make things worse! Not only did I ruin any possible chance of maybe being w her I just threw away the best friendship I'd ever had. What the heck do I do now? I shoved my hands into my pockets and sighed. The air in front of me momentarily a foggy light grey. I sure as heck couldn't go back there and I was not about to go home. I didn't have any other friends either.

I was so caught up in my thoughts I guess I didn't hear the light crunching of leaves as someone walked into the park. I didn't know they were there until they pulled me off the swing. W my hands in my pocket I didn't have the best balance and stumbled forward, crashing into her. She held me up and didn't let go even after I regained my balance which was fine w me. I looked up at her. "I-" was as far as I got before her lips crashed down onto mine. Though I was thoroughly confused I didn't hesitate to wrap my arms around her neck and kissed back. Her hands were on my waist, pulling me closer if even possible. It was amazing. I don't care if it sounds cliche or whatever but it was like how the books say. I saw fireworks. It was like just the two of us existed. It seemed like forever before we pulled away for air. She touched her forehead to mine and smiled.

"You ran away before I could react."

"I thought you were straight." I stumbled over my words, breathless and still pleasantly shocked.

She grinned, "Yes, until I fell into someone."