This Too Will Pass

Alive

A day will come when you will realize that the demons and monsters are hidden inside of you.
You truly are your own worst enemy. You're the victim of your own abuse.
As a kid, you were told that people were mean. You never thought that you would be. Not to your peers but to yourself.
You call yourself names and beat yourself up for every little mistake or failure.
You'll believe every word that you  say after all, who could you trust more than yourself?
You'll breathe in words of self-hatred and they'll sit in your lungs, burning images into your head clouding your mind with smoke.
You're blinded by the passionate hate you have now begun to feel for yourself.
You're disgusted by the person you see in the mirror. It's not you. What happened to the perfect little kid?
Every day more lies are said to yourself believing them to be true.
You judge yourself for your imperfections. You never think you're good enough because somehow you could always be better.
You always blame yourself for everyone's problems. Maybe you could have helped them some how. You believe it's all your fault even though it truly isn't.
You tell yourself you deserve all the punishment the world has to offer. You deserve to feel miserable.
You know that you're not worth much so you don't bother anyone with your problems.
You wouldn't wish the heavy burden of your thoughts on anyone else other than yourself.
Why risk hurting someone when you're already broken? It doesn't matter if you get hurt anymore.
So what if you're dead inside? At least now you can't feel the pain.
You shut everyone out believing that you don't deserve to be happy.
You help others but don't let anyone help you.
You're too far gone. You can't be helped, but maybe you can stop someone else from going through the pain that you have now grown numb to.
You're tired of feeling numb. You can't feel anything anymore and it's becoming too much.
You need to feel something, just to assure you that you truly are alive. Life just feels like a nightmare that you can't wake up from.
So you hurt yourself. Emotionally, physically and every way possible. Whether it's by words or a blade.
Anything just to make you feel something again.
Impulse and instinct seem to be the only things controlling you sometimes.
But still you put on your best fake smile to keep everyone else happy.
You wipe away your tears and on goes the makeup and nice clothes. Quickly changing out of costume and going to the next scene.
You put on the best show that everyone's ever seen pretending to be happy. You feel like a doll trying to be perfect.
You busy yourself with little things like your grades, writing and even music. It keeps your mind off of everything wrong in your sorry excuse of a life.
You carry on this routine wishing for something to change. Just waiting for it to end.
You just want to feel alive again.