I wonder if you've noticed that my smile goes away
The moment you're out of sight,
That I pretend to be okay just long enough
That you won't ask if I'm alright.
I'm afraid that, if you ask,
I'll fall apart in front of you -
My armor coming off, walls coming down
Without me wanting them to.
I'm afraid that if my walls come down,
You won't like what you see.
You'll see just how fragile I am,
And how easily you could break me.
You see, it doesn't take much for me to unfurl,
For my disguise to fall apart,
And once it does, my walls are down,
Allowing you to put a crack in my already damaged heart.
I'd like to think you wouldn't try,
But I've thought that of others when I let them in,
I trusted them with my heart and they shattered it,
Forcing me to build up my walls all over again.
But now, for some (probably foolish) reason,
I want to take the armor off my heart - for you.
Maybe I see good in you and think that you won't hurt me,
Or maybe I've become desperate to find someone who won't leave.
But, funnily enough, I don't think you've noticed
The struggle I've been going through -
The inner turmoil, trying to decide
Whether or not I really want to trust you.
Because, you see, I've been hurt so many times -
Now my heart is more fragile than most.
That's why I'm so wary to let anyone see it,
Much less let them get too close.
It's almost like I can feel my heart calling to you though -
It's desperate for a friend.
I just want to find someone I don't have to hide around,
Someone who doesn't make me feel the need to pretend.
Because, a lot of days I'm not okay,
A lot of days I feel like dying.
Losing the will to fight, to stay strong,
Using all my energy just to keep myself from crying.
On those days, I mostly just need a hug,
And someone to tell me that things will be alright.
Those days, it's nice to have words of encouragement, advice,
And someone to remind me of reasons to fight.
I'm got a broken, shattered heart, barely held together,
And I've come to accept that it would be hard to mend.
Since I'd rather you not even try to bear that burden,
I'd like it if you'd just be my friend.
If you do want to be someone I can count on,
Someone I can trust, who won't make me feel the need to pretend...
Please, please, please don't leave me,
Because I'm fairly certain I won't live through that kind of pain again.
