Rants

Part 1

Okay Let's start this off with the typical I'm a hormonal teenager who just can't seem to take the bullshit in her life anymore. I mean seriously how many things can possibly go wrong in a teenager's life. And as if God himself was laughing at me, he sent the hell to my doorsteps. 

Okay so this will be dedicated to my boyfriend, though he doesn't have a wattpad account and I don't feel like starting a pointless argument again, I'' rant here instead. 

So get this, I finally get the guy I have had a crush on since I was in third grade. He may not be the most gorgeous specimen out there, but he's perfect to me. The thing is he has gone through a lot of rough shit in his life which is why I have supported his pointless arguments. I let him hang out with his friends and I try not to get jealous of the girls he talks to because I mean seriously he can have friends, he's not my property. I understand that he has depression problems and that he needs someone to love him the right way, and I admit, he can sure make me feel like I'm the most beautiful girl in the world. I enjoy his weirdness. I love that he's open with me with things. Like I don't have to beg him to tell me what he's thinking or for him to show me what he's feeling. He just does it because he feels like I am the one he can trust the most. 

But let me not get ahead of myself. Before we started to go out, I knew he had not gotten over his ex, whom he had dated for 3 years. I mean really, you can't forget someone who you've dated for that long in just a couple of months. I knew what I was getting myself into when he asked me out. 

We have argued so much it's incredible we're still together. He always gets upset when we don't see each other everyday, but then again it's not my fault he doesn't show up to school. I try to make time for him on the weekends and stuff with my busy schedule, but sometimes things don't go as planned. H falls back into depression and starts to put a shitload of stress on me. I can't go 48 hours without him saying he feels like killing himself. Either that or that he doesn't think he's ready for this relationship. So he says we should break up, but after a few minutes he says he doesn't want to leave so we don't break up. 

A couple of days ago, he broke up with me on the day of our 2 month anniversary. Ouch. the reason being was his ex. I should have known that I could never replace her. But it hurts like hell when he admits it to me. He freaking told me I was in 2nd place to her. The girl who literally went out with another dude a a week after they broke up. Like what the actual... F****! 

I was hurting badly, but I wished him the best and hoped he would get her back and she'd love him the way he deserved. We were friends of course. 

Not 12 hours have passed and we came back together. I have been doubting everything I do ever since he told me I could never be his first choice. 

someone please tell me what the hell am I suppose to do?!!?