The wind rustled the curtains; the pale moonlight caused the soft colours of the room to become black or white. My last customer had just left the house after the business was finished. I stood up from the ghostly bed and padded quietly to my robe, gingerly putting it over my shoulders, as my body was rather sore.
The money was placed on the table, where HIS books used to be.
Everything was harder since HE left. I couldn't go to the inspector, who was a friend of HIS, which greatly put me in a financial predicament. But I couldn't get a flat mate either. My guilt would never leave if I did that. But I also had to do something.
Anything really, to get my mind off HIM.
But HE was everywhere.
In the taxi I took to visit his brother about the will.
In the doctors office where I used to work.
It was like he never left, except for the agonising hole in my chest.
Reminding me he jumped.
I move into the living room as my eyes catch on the spray painted smiley on the wall, reminding us to be happy.
HE had actually laughed, his eyes bright, it was strange, as his eyes rarely got that bright unless he was working.
Or if he was with me.
I smile as I touch the crackling chips of the paint.
Our landlord had thought us lovers.
HIS brother had thought us soul mates.
Maybe that was why it felt like half of everything I am is missing.
In reality we were only friends, best friends if you will.
HE never really had friends.
I hadn't realised how much I cared for him until I watched him fall.
Looking back I wished I would of held his hand tighter when HE grabbed mine as we ran.
Every time he had shown affection, I had shot him down with a "people will talk."
HIS last words were to me. They haunted me in my dreams.
Maybe if I had known how much he meant to me, if I had told him, he would still be here.
The only time he had ever gotten upset is when he thought I had lost my faith in him. Why couldn't I see?
I laugh, that's what he always said wasn't it?
"You see but you don't observe, John."
Tears flow freely now.
I can't live like this.
I can't live with out him.
I open the white window and look down.
I just want to see him.
I just want to be with him.
I step onto the window sill.
I can be with him now.
Ill leave the same way he did.
With a smile, I
Jump.
Mycroft sets the only letter from sherlock on the step of the front door. Mycroft doesn't notice the silence. Mycroft doesn't realise what is lost.
In the letter that John will never read are the words
"I'm still alive and I love you John.
-SH"
