Bad Habits

I woke up on my bedroom floor, hungover from last nights stupid party...Another night to get away from all the thoughts. I crawled to the toilet just in case, I laid there for about half an hour then tried to get up by holding onto the sink. I somehow achieve getting up on my feet and slowly walk to the kitchen. I saw a note from my mum on the fridge 'I'm gone out to get some things, please try not to get hurt in any way possible...' Her and her stupid little notes... I sigh and pick up the toast she made for me. I try my best not to puke it, and I somehow achieve that too. I walk to the sink and fill a cup with water. I quickly drink that and toddle back to my fucked up bed. I look on my phone to see if I got any stupid little messages. I didn't get any... I sigh and try to feel a little bit better about myself. No message is a message right? I hear a text notification go off. It's probably mum making sure I'm okay, but it wasn't. I stare at the name 'Harry'. I look at his message 'You up? Can we hang out later today?'. I reply with a blunt message 'Okay.' I look at the time on my phone 3:23. Then I realise he replied 'Okay, see you at 5.'. I toddle out of my bed and take a towel from my drawer and walk up to the bathroom. I stare at myself through the mirror 'Damn, you're ugly...' I think to myself. I turn on the shower and get in. The hot water hitting my dirty hair, and my dirty little body. I start reminiscing on last night... And all the other nights, partying and alone in my bedroom. I start having a little mental breakdown, but I try to make it go away. I wash myself and get out, walking to my room and dry my body and hair. When I finish, I put on some black jeans and a band merch top on. I quickly style my hair and make-up and get my shoes on. I pick one of my black jackets and try find my pack of cigarettes. I walk out my house, put my earphones in and listen to some music. It's already 4:30. I go to my nearest bus stop and wait for the bus. I get on and sit down.

I get off where I should be meeting Harry, my friend. I walk around the place, then I see someone leg round the corner. I can already guess Harry is planning to scare me. I walk up to the person which is Harry, I give him a blunt stare as he jumps to scare me. 'Hey..' I say in a sick voice. He gives me a hug, I can feel him squeeze me tight in his warm hands. 'Are you okay?' he says with a worried face. 'Y-yes.' I say mumbling like an idiot. 'Good.' He says smiling at me. He starts walking and I follow him. I have the urge to hold his hand even though I don't like him that way, so I decide to link arms with him. He stops for a quick second and smiles back at me, then continues walking. I wonder if he likes me, how would it be if he did. He walks me into a more abandoned bar, with more scene like kids. Which is my type of bar anyway, so I'm pretty glad. I unlink our arms and go inside.

'Hey there.' says one of the guys, seems like he knows Harry. I look around at the dark lights, and the designs on the walls, all with band lyrics. Harry takes me to one table and we sit down. I look around at all the people, they all have tattoos and piercings. I can imagine myself with piercings, then I consider on getting some. 'Hey, can you smoke here?' I whisper to Harry. 'Yeah.' he bluntly says. I pick out a cigarette and light it up. I start smoking it. 'Are you hungry? I could get us something to eat.' Harry says looking at their grey and white coloured menu. 'I guess, you can pick whatever, I don't really mind.' I say, hoping he picks something pretty good. 'Okay, we can have spaghetti?' He asks smiling at me again. 'Sure.' I say smiling back, but looking like an idiot. I finish my cigarette and we sit in silence.

A waiter comes up to us and asks for out order 'Hey, what would you two want to eat today?' 'Spaghetti for two.' Harry says smiling at the waiter, she had a cute black dress with crosses all over it, and some black boots. She had a purple fringe and the rest of her hair was jet black, it really suited her. As we wait for our spaghetti I find myself going to the toilet. I look into the mirror 'You look a bit cute today.' I tell myself. I get my eyeliner out and put some on to make me look 'cuter'. I decide to go back after I calmed myself, ready to eat. As I look around I don't see Harry, because he was standing by another table filled with girls. I frown and sit down. I wait for him to come back so we can eat together, but I gave up and started digging in my spaghetti. 'I hope I don't puke this...' I say, talking to myself. After a minute or two Harry decided to come back and join me. We both eat, and lucky I didn't puke. I sigh though... Wishing I was at home, because all I could see at the corner of my eye was the girls glaring at me, like I had blood on my face. As we both finish eating, the waiter comes back and takes our plates. I rush outside without any hesitation. I take another cigarette out my pocket and light it up. I start smoking away everything that happened... 'What's wrong with you?' Harry says, staring at me like I annoyed him somehow. 'Nothing, I'm just tired, that's all.' I mumble. Our walk back home was silent. Which I kind of enjoyed, because I could just think to myself. As I get to my doorstep I wave goodbye to Harry and get inside. I throw myself on the couch and get comfortable.

I sit up and get changed in some pyjamas, as usual. 'Cause who stays at home with cute clothes. I start feeling better about going outside, it cleared my mind. Tonight, I'm staying home. And maybe all week. 'No more partying..' I say staring at the ceiling. 'Quit your bad habits...Ellie.' I think to myself.