Pretty much dead already (boyXboy)

Chapter 1: The girl

A/N : Thank you for deciding to read, PMDA! I expect to update every week. Have fun! I hope you enjoy the book! This book may be triggering! Don't read if sensitive :3

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Another scream. Another cry from the silent boy in the back of the classroom. The twist is, no one heard these screams, these cries. No one heard the pleads for help from the boy in the back of the classroom. The same boy who sat alone at lunch. The same boy who had lots of friends. The same boy who slices open his wrists every night.

Logan was his name. Logan Riches. The depressed, suicidal boy.

When you think of suicidal people you often think girls, right? Wrong. Not this one. Those suicidal 'girls' often have dark back stories to fuel the fire which burns them to such a decision as taking their own life, right? Wrong. Not this one.

Logan had no idea how he had become the way he is. Doesn't know why he cuts himself. Doesn't know why he doesn't speak. Doesn't know why he smokes. Doesn't know why it's so hard to stop.

He just does it. It's not for attention and it's not for love. He just doesn't know. But what he does know that it's getting harder to carry on with every breath he takes.

Maybe it's because of his old friends? They picked on him a little and called him a few names. But they did that to each other too, none of them are like this. Maybe it's because of his parents? They have been fighting a lot lately, but he felt like this before.

He never gets Picked on in class. Never gets chosen to say the answer by the teacher. Not that he knows it.

It's fourth period now. Science. The teacher that always tries to make Logan talk. Always fails. He just sits there. Alone, writing down the words he can't express though his voice. That's him. Writes stuff in his notebook, asking for help. But he would never let anyone see this notebook. Never.

"Logan? Can you please answer the question that is written on the board? You must participate."

There it is. Her annoying voice. Logan just stares at her with a blank expression, not even reading the question. She huffs loudly and places a hand on her hip, signalling to the board she says again,

"Logan please answer the question of the board."

Again, he stares at her. Words going in one ear and out the other. Another student seems bored and puts her hand up, answering the question.

The teacher just shakes her head and continues teaching. Logan keeps writing in his notepad.

The bell rings a little while later, signalling lunch has begun. The other kids rush out of the classroom. But not Logan. He gathers up his stuff and leaves after everyone else.

He sits at his usual spot. Underneath the large willow tree, alone. He just gets out his reading book and reads. An average lunch routine.

However this time, a girl comes over. She sits next to him and looks at him with a smile. He just blinks at her.

"Hi. I'm Clementine!"

He blinks at her again.

"You're Logan right?"

He nods very slowly. She also nods and gets out her own reading book.

"Mind if I sit and read with you? I won't talk, I promise!"

He just shrugs and continues reading. She also starts reading. As today was a shorter day, they had no more lessons. LThey were allowed to leave. Logan did so, leaving school grounds and walking home.

Clementine offered to drop him off in her car but he just shook his head, taking out his cigarettes.

By time he got home he had smoked three cigarettes. The walk home taking only twenty minutes.

Stomping into his room and slamming the door, Logan throws his shoes against the wall and falls onto his bed. Clutching his hair and screaming internally. He pulls down his sleeves and runs his thumb over the scars that cover his wrists.

'What a waste.' He thinks.

He thinks of Clementine, the girl that was so nice to him today, but his thoughts flicker to horrible things. Like the fact how he is worthless, stupid, ugly. A tear slips down his face.

Fiddling with his lip ring, he takes out the box hidden in his drawers.

He opens it and selects his choice. Oddly satisfied with his decision. Placing the blade against his wrist, he slices the skin open. After a few cuts, he placed the desired blade back into the crimson red box and bandages up his arm.

'Someone help me!'

'Please!'

'I need help! Some please!'

He can hear his dog barking from outside his door. He opens it. The German shepherd/husky mix jumps onto him and licks his face. The only thing that makes him smile.

Logan's smile brightens slightly when the said dog pushes him to the ground and licks over his face some more. If it wasn't for his dog, Logan would just give up with life. It's the only thing that keeps the fire inside him alight.

Logan grabs the leash from the cupboard and puts it on the dog. Putting his cigarettes in his pocket, he leaves the house, the dog following suit.

A 40 minute walk and 9 cigarettes later..

They decide to head home. Only when they arrived, there was a moving van parked outside the house next door. Logan could help but take a peek. He could see a couple and a small boy. Great. Children. He hated children.

But upon closer inspection, an older boy came out of the van, carrying a box. He looked about the same age as Logan. They locked eyes for a second and the boy smiled.

Logan tugs at his sleeves and rushes inside his house. He runs into his room and can't help but look out of the window at the boy. When he does, he is shocked to see that the boy was already looking at him. The boy winks and Logan squeals internally. He closed his black curtains and laid back on his bed.

He's pretty much dead already.