Back Then (An LGBT Story)

5. Taylor's enquiry

Taylor glanced at his watch. It was already 11:45.

"Better get moving," he told himself, gathering his things and standing up.

As Taylor made his way towards the room that he and Seth shared, he couldn't help but worry about him. With what he'd read about earlier that day and how much he now found himself concerned for Seths safety, Taylor was certain that something had happened. Something had changed about him and he wasn't sure what he would do about it.

The room was quiet and Taylor found it unsettling, knowing that on the other side of their door, Seth had been all alone for hours. He took a deep breath and entered the room.

"Seth!" Taylor yelled as he saw his roommate, laying on the ground, his face stained by tears.

Taylor rushed to his side, is mind now in a state of panic. All he could think to do was grab Seths shoulder and begin to shake him, in hopes of him waking up.

"Seth? Can you hear me?" He called out.

Seth suddenly began to stir. His fingers twitched and his eyes opened slowly. He glanced up at Taylor, his face appearing emotionless. Seth managed to push himself up into a sitting position, still staring up at Taylor.

"Are you okay?" Taylor asked.

Seth didn't respond. He just looked down at the floor.

"Do you need anything? Is your breathing okay? What about your heart rate?" Taylor moved his hand from Seths shoulder to his chest, placing his other hand on his own chest to compare their pulses. He had expected Seth to freak out and try to slap his hand away, but he just stayed there. Taylor removed his hand from Seth's chest and his own when he felt that their pulses were both about normal, but Seth continued to stay quiet.

"Aren't you going to talk to me?" Taylor began to get worried. He worried that maybe Seth had fainted or broken down because of something that he may or may not have done, "Seth, if this is my fault, then tell me."

Silence fell across the room. It took only a minute of silence before it was broken, which Taylor thought was the longest minute of his life.

Seth jolted slightly, blinking suddenly as he gasped. He looked around, panting heavily until his gaze fell upon Taylor.

"Seth?" Taylor said again.

"What happened? When did you get back?" Seth sounded panicked.

"What're you talking about, I've been here for at least five minutes," a slight chuckle escaped Taylors mouth. He had hoped that Seth was only joking.

"Five minutes?" it all went quiet for a little while before Seth spoke again, "I'm sorry Taylor. The last thing that I remember is having another attack."

"You had another one? What triggered this one?"

"I just got really paranoid. I had all these scenarios in my head and I didn't know what to think of any of them. My head was a mess."

Taylor looked down at him, slightly confused, "scenarios? What scenarios?"

"I was imagining what your actual reaction was when I sent you that stupid text. About doing extra work for me."

Taylor was suddenly filled with guilt. He told himself that Seth had the oppurtunity to come up with such emotionally shattering ideas because he had spent so long trying to think of a response and even wound up ignoring it. Suddenly, it was silent again as they both just stared at each other, not knowing what to think or say.

Taylor could, once again, only think to ignore the issue.

"What happened to you? After you woke back up, it was like you were on another planet. You seemed so dazed."

"I don't know what you're talking about. When I woke up, I was already sitting up and you were here."

"No Seth. You wouldn't respond to me when I tried to talk to you and your eyes were completely blank," Taylor shook his head, his face serious so that Seth could see that he really wasn't lying.

"I don't know then," Seth couldn't remember doing such a thing, "I've got no idea."

Taylor thought for a while before voicing his concerns.

"Do you think it might be a result of shock?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, it's possible that you entered a state of shock for a small amount of time, which would explain why you were unresponsive to me."

"But that didn't happen yesterday, did it?" Seth raised an eyebrow.

"No, it didn't, that's why I'm confused as to why it happened now. Do you suffer from post traumatic stress disorder?"

"Not that I know of."

"Any kind of disorder at all?"

"Not that's been offiicially diagnosed."

"I think that's what we need to do," Taylor stood up and picked up his phone.

"What?" Seth stood up, extremely quickly.

"I'm sorry Seth, but I'm a psychology student. Not a qualified psychiatrist. Maybe help and advice from a professional is what you need," Taylor sighed slightly as he used his phone to search for the most local psychiatrist.

"No, Taylor it'll be alright. I'd hate to talk to one of those whackos that think they actually give advice that freaking helps," Seth snapped. He quickly slapped his hand over his mouth after he realised that he had yelled.

"No Seth-"

"No... Taylor, I don't feel comfortable talking to people as it is. You and Lilith are the only people that I can fully trust, and even then, you're the only one that knows about my panic attacks."

"Isn't Lilith in your English-Lit class?"

"Yes, but she thinks I was angry, not having a mental breakdown."

"So, I'm really the only one that you trust with that information?" Taylor was flattered, but still quite worried.

"Yeah. I don't think I can talk to anyone else now that I've come to trust you so much," his head lowered. Seth stared down at the ground, feeling quite uneasy, questioning whether or not what he had said sounded strange. He suddenly dreaded what Taylor might say back to him.

Taylor said nothing for a little while. Instead, he grabbed Seths shoulders and pulled him into a tight hug.

"Look, I understand. I didn't want to tell my parents that I was having these attacks and I couldn't go to a profesional alone, so I dealt with it all alone. I don't want that to happen to you." Taylor rubbed Seths arm up and down to comfort him.

"Thanks Taylor." Seth raised his arms to hug Taylor back.

Taylor felt odd hugging Seth like he was. He felt odd knowing that, of all people to have to share a room with, he had been put in the same room as someone in the exact same situation as he was once in. He could not only continue to study psychology to help people, but he could hope that his little knowledge of the subject and personal experience would be enough to help Seth.

Oh God, he thought. Shit, I can't have let this happen.