Markiplier x Banana

Markiplier Contemplates a Banana for 5 Minutes

Just earlier on this day, this day of  April 1st, or April Fools...

Mark sat in the driver's seat of his hybrid car. His car was filled with groceries, placed gingerly in plastic bags of the store by a generous cashier. Unknowingly, one of his purchases was a vibrant, healthy yellow fruit that descends from palm trees of Animal Crossing: New Leaf on occasion.
Mark put his car into Reverse and slowly backed out of his parking space, looking left and right to make sure no one was behind his vehicle. Once backing out sufficiently, he put his car into Drive and made his way back to his home in California, where he would meet the hundredth love of his life...

To the kitchen, where Mark brings in grocery bags and suddenly notices the elegant fruit of the banana...

Mark saw the banana. 'My God...,' he thought to himself. He had to put everything away; it took away from the banana.
When everything was put away, it was time. It was time to meet the banana.
He grabbed a candle and lit it, careful not to burn himself. He also grabbed a little stand for the banana to rest on.
This was when Mark truly saw the banana.
'What the...?! Can I stick It in my butthole?' wondered Sexyplier. 'What is this magical object that sits on my table?'
Oh, how he wanted to eat that banana. Instead, he hesitated and was amazed by it.
Seated in front of it, he scooted his chair forward. He stares at the banana.
He proceeded to poke it. When his index finger lightly bumped the outer layer of the banana, he thought to himself, 'Woah. What happened?'
Arms slightly crossed and huge hands overlapping to provide a comfortable cushion for any individual's face, he gazed longingly at the banana. 'If only Jack was this big...' He swallowed, imagining a larger Jack. Or maybe a smaller banana.
His lips parted to show a cheerful smile of admiration for the object. He looked around for someone to share the astounding feat with; subsequently, he realized he was alone. This gave him time to love the banana softly.
He found Chica and motioned with his hands to the banana, showing her it.
He was astounded by the banana.
He wondered if there were any holes in it, so that he could mate with it. He looked all around it.
Distracted, he touched the stem part of the banana. 'Wow! That's sharp!
...there's no holes.'
He looked around. Then he thought.
Silence was held in the room.
He was very amazed. He enjoyed the moment. He leaned in to think.
He had plans. Big plans. He planned on holding the banana. He also planned to stick it in the anal region afterwards.
To his amazement, the banana let him gently hold it.
He was astounded. 'Could this get better?'
He smiled. He wondered which end he's supposed to talk to.
The banana made a witty joke, which made him laugh.
'Oh you! ...I could shove this up my butt..'
He bit his lower lip.
Sadly, he started thinking that the banana was dying. He wondered if he broke it. 'Did anyone see that?'
No one had seen that.
'Good.'
He passionately supported the banana, balling up his right hand into a fist. And left. Pointing at it with his index fingers.
He gently caressed the banana.

A few minutes later...

Mark is told by the banana that it never liked his spinach puffs. NEVER. He breaks down, sobbing. 'NO! How could you!'
He cried.
'I can't be here anymore, not after that.'
Before gently kissing the banana, he whispered, "Hail Hydra." Standing up from his chair, he booped it with an index finger.
The banana thought to itself, 'No Mark, I loved them really! Come baaaaaaaack!'
Mark could not hear the banana's thoughts. He went to rethink his life choices in his bedroom.
Chica sniffed the banana, wondering if she should eat it. She decided not to. She knew what could grow from this new relationship if they stuck together.