Mistakes Like This (Tsukkiyama)

Smoke

The world was gray.

It reminded Tsukishima of smoke. Everything was either petrified, or already fading away like the smoke he had dubbed it.

He stood under the light of the moon, on a pale, stone balcony. Tall figure leaned over the rails, elbows propped up, a cigarette pressed between his lips. Gray headphones rested on his head. His golden gaze slipped out across the city below him, as the dim lights of cars speeded below him.

It was a small apartment, but he was only in his first year of college and a particularly undyingly-loyal companion had decided to stick around to help pay rent.

The blond took a long exhale as the glass door just inches behind him opened with a quiet brushing sound. It looked like Tsukishima hadn't even noticed the door had opened, but only if you didn't know him well. He lowered his cigarette and rested his headphones around his neck.

"Tsukki. It's midnight; please go to sleep." The young man at the door was not quite as tall as the blond, yet he stood at a decent height. Messy brown hair fell on his sleepy face as he let out a small yawn. Despite his casual expression, he saw the world not in gray, but in a muted colour. He always used to see the world as full of colour, but his love had faded, too.

Tsukishima took in a deep breath and let the cigarette fall from his grip, as watched as it fell down countless stories, before straightening up and facing the shorter boy.

They looked at each other in the eye, and despite Tsukishima'a half-hearted glare at the shorter boy--who was dressed in a loose t-shirt and pajama pants-- the brunette grabbed his wrist and pulled him slowly inside.

"Yamaguchi--"
"Please, just go to sleep, Tsukki. You stay out too late drinking and smoking, and your grades are going down. I moved in to try to help you--" the brunette, Yamaguchi, turned to look Tsukki directly in the eye with a blatantly tired expression. "But I don't know how."

They looked at each other. Yamaguchi searched for what he needed--reassurance that there was a reason for this. Tsukishima stood tall, a guarded expression. He always was a hard person to read. Too much hidden emotion. They stood in the living room of their shared, cramped apartment. The faint smell of laundry was slowly being replaced with the smoke that seemed to follow Tsukki.

All the lights were off, but moonlight streamed in from the unclosed glass doors behind the taller boy. Curtains waved in a faint breeze, and the only sound was the faded din of late-night traffic.

Yamaguchi couldn't help but trace out his features as the moonlight danced across the blond's pale skin.

The night was gray to the taller, but Yamaguchi detected the faint colour around him. The light of the night sky transformed the taller boy's skin into a reflection of itself, a bluish tint, as clouds doubtless covered the bright mood outside. The wind that had just begun to ruffle their twin messy hair died away.

Tsukishima was the first to move. With a quiet "goodnight" spoken through through tightened lips, he trudged into the destroyed, trash-littered room he had created and now called his bedroom.

Yamaguchi let out a small breath, and walked across the small room, to the other end of the apartment that housed his bedroom.

Over the past few weeks, Tsukki had started smoking more and more, and going out to the bar; only to stumble back in the early hours of two and three in the morning. He hardly stopped to take of his alcohol stained jacket before  passing out on his unmade bed.

Some days he didn't come home until the morning. Yamaguchi would've been fine if his best friend was in a relationship with someone else, but the blond never admitted to anything, and never offered an explanationx

They had been friends since they were just kids, and Tsukki had never liked to be open about his feelings, and mostly just came across as a sarcastic asshole with no feelings for anyone. Yamaguchi used to be able to see through it, but in the late hours of the night, when he couldn't even tell if Tsukki was sober or not, the lines had blurred.

Yamaguchi stood at his doorframe; perhaps he should go see if his roommate was okay, but he decided against it. He hated seeing Tsukki's once immaculately organized room as the current smoke scented trash pile.

He took another breath and walked silently into his own room, collapsing on his bed. Sleep came quickly, but Yamaguchi Tadashi was confused.

Perhaps he had hoped his best friend of many years thought of something more than a friend.

The night grew old, and an unspoken question still rattled around Yamaguchi's mind.

"Do you love me?"

///////

A/N: yikes that's some really cringey stuff can't believe I actually wrote it