“Wait!” I say, almost a shout, “Please, don’t leave.” I hang my head expecting him to keep walking. When I look up he is standing right in front of me.
“Why don’t you want me to leave?” he asks and clasps my face with both his hands and tilts my head up to look into my eyes.
“I… I …” I stutter, I know why I don’t want him to leave, I still love him. Although I may have been scared at first, I still feel safe when he’s near I still feel the warmth of his breath on my skin. When I think about it he hasn’t done me any harm and he hasn’t done anything but try to care for me since I’ve been here. When he used to stay with me the nightmares I have went away and now every time I sleep there all I dream of.
“Well?” he asks, in an impatient tone.
“I … I don’t like being here alone.” I want to tell him but I can’t. Maybe we can talk tomorrow.
“Why? Is something wrong? Or would you prefer I didn’t ask?” He says in his soft tone.
“Because of the nightmares, they only stop when you’re with me.” For a few moments he looks confused, and then he knows what I mean. He used to have the nightmares too of him loosing me and now it’s my turn for them to come and haunt me.
“I…” He doesn’t know what to say.
“Please, Just until I fall asleep?” I ask hoping he will stay till I’m asleep.
“Okay, just lay back and go to sleep.” He puts his hands round my head and leans me back gently onto the pillow. He looks at me like he is about to kiss me and with that wanting something look again. I turn my head but not because I’m sad or lonely or upset it’s because I smile for the first time in days. There is a small stool over in the far corner I hadn’t noticed, he pulls it over and sits. “Goodnight, my baby girl.” I fall into a deep sleep.
I wake up. It’s still dark outside. I turn on the lamp and look around, he’s gone. Well I did say only till I fell asleep. I sit up and wait for a few minutes before really needing to pee. I want to wait till he comes back because I don’t want him to think I’m trying to run away again. I can’t hold it in, I get up and go towards the door.
I open it and look around its still rather dark. I head towards the bathroom and after I’m done doing what I need to, I look around. Surprisingly he has everything. There are boxes of girly stuff for that time of the month, lots of soap and shampoo, razors a lifetime supply, a box full of stuff for my hair like hairbands and kirby grips. I didn’t think he would have thought of all this stuff. There’s a shower and I’m tempted to take one I haven’t showered in at least a week and to be honest I smell awful. I decide not, better ask first. He might have kidnapped me but I still know how to use manners.
I head out the bathroom and I see the door he told me not to go into I'm really curious but I decide it’s best not I’m sure there is a reason he doesn’t want me in there. I turn to head back down the hall. This place looks really scary when dark. Just as I'm walking down the hall something touches my shoulder. I gasp and jump then quickly turn round.
“Hey, hey, it’s alright it’s just me.” I feel myself start to breathe out and loudly as though I had been running for miles. I feel his arms wrap round my body and pull me into his chest as though we were home. I want to push him away for acting like nothing’s happened, the truth is I needed it. I needed someone to tell me it was alright.
We stay like that for a few moments and it feels like forever. I pull away from the hug and he sees that I feel awkward about it.
“I’m sorry I just …” He says awkwardly. I remember yesterday wanting to run away from him and now, now I feel like I want to run to him. I used to love his cuddles he is so strong and I always felt warm and safe in his arms.
“Don’t be I …” We both stutter into silence. Then he asks,
“Why are you out of bed anyway? Trying to run away again?” he smiles at me.
“No” I pause for a moment, “I really needed to pee.” I say awkwardly. My faces goes red I can’t see it and neither can he but I can feel it.
“Oh, well what are you doing now?” he asks just as embarrassed as me I think.
“I was heading back to bed.” I turn my head to the side looking to the bedroom.
“Really? Wow I thought you might have tried to make a run for it again I heard movement so I came out to check.” I wrap my arm round the other one and I'm tempted to hold him. It’s all I want to do right now is just have his arms round me again.
“Yes,” and I turn and head back to the bedroom.
Once I get back I crawl into bed and think about what I'm doing. One minute I want to run and hide and scream and cry, the next I want to kiss and cuddle him and have him sleep with me at night. My mind is so confused. The nightmares didn’t come back last night either I don’t like them they terrify me. I think about so much stuff that I drift off back to sleep.
