I Won't Leave You; Not This Time

I won't leave you

She collapsed to the floor, heart hammering, the world swaying from side to side as she clawed at the ground, trying to move away. The collection of recent events made her dizzy with emotion, despite her determined attempts to conceal everything. But it was too late now, she was broken beyond repair. Never again, would she be able to do anything the same way.

A wheezing cough distracted her momentarily from her own pain, a sound that wasn't quite robotic or human; a painful sound caught somewhere in between. There was no other way to describe the sound of it, other than inhuman, but so, so, painfully familiar that she couldn't stop herself from pausing. She turned, her heart beating – if possible – even faster. The air itself seemed to strangle her in the tenseness of the moment and she found herself unable to breath.

As she looked behind her, moving slowly as if she were in a dream, she looked on towards the one she had seconds before, tried to kill. The black figure in front of her turned slowly, his abyss of a cloak flying out behind him, drawing all attention back to him. For a fleeting second, a moment so small she thought that maybe she had imagined it, the figure faltered, his frame slumped, his head bowed. Then as quickly as the moment had come it disappeared again, and she found herself unable to move; all she could do was stare in horror.

"Ahsoka..." the figure by the name of Darth Vader choked out her name, breathless. But she was no longer sure whether she could call him that. The so called man he claimed to be would never say that, never sound like that. Such emotion could never be found in someone who leaned so heavily with the dark side. But she had heard much more than just the gasp of one word. In a single moment she was back in time, about fifth teen years ago, staring into the eyes of a man she called her master; her best friend.

She remembered flying, her heart hammering in exhilaration as they soared through the clouds in gliding fighters. Memories of laughter and learning filled her heart with a sudden warmth, a feeling that she hadn't felt in so long. Recalling her loyalty – his loyalty, she gazed into the gold eye of the man she had once promised herself she would never abandon, never leave behind; yet she had. And she had never regretted anything else more.

Allowing herself only a split second, she recalled the sweet memory of a man with bright blue eyes and a constant smirk. Someone who had given her the best few years of her life, someone who had only ever cared for her with his life, someone who stayed loyal to her no matter what happened.

"Anakin," dread swept through her, chilling her to the bone. Suddenly all she could remember was the pain, the guilt, the helplessness she had felt ever since she left. But she knew she deserved it. He had stayed loyal to her no matter what, but she had betrayed him and left, leaving because she held her head too high, too stubborn and selfish to let go of her pride. But she'd lost her pride anyway. The guilt had finally dragged her down, slumping her shoulders, bowing her head in shame. And there was nothing she could do to fix it.

"I won't leave you," she straightened up, leaning forward, staring into his eyes, searching for the man she'd come to trust and love with her life. He'd promised never to leave her, and he never had. All along she'd convinced herself what she was doing was right, but in the harsh reality of her life, what she had been doing was wrong. She'd chosen the weak way out, to run instead of fight, to leave and make a show instead of learn to trust again, she'd been selfish instead of selfless and disloyal to everyone, rather than be loyal. Ahsoka remembered walking down the steps into the sunset, trying to forget the pain, telling herself she'd rather go than run back into caring arms. She thought she had been making a brave choice, but all along she'd lied to herself, destroying her life. She'd betrayed him and broken his trust to the point that she wanted to fix it again, if only slightly, "Not this time,"

But this time she meant it.

For what seemed like years she waited for his response, watching him carefully for something she recognised, looking for something she had known so well as a clue to what he was thinking. For a short second she almost believed that he would forgive her, to forget everything she had ever done and allow her back by his side so she could forgive him too, so she could forget he'd ever fallen to the dark side and that they'd be happy once again. The hope had clearly shone brightly in her eyes, for he studied her face carefully, his expression masked so that she could never know his thoughts.

"Then you shall die," it took her longer than it should have to register, her face falling with the fast fading hope deflating within her. She accepted her fate almost immediately, her shoulders slumping, making no sign that she was even going to hope that she would get away alive. She stared into his eyes with her pain filled ones, searching for something that could comfort her for one last time, looking for something she could remember until it was finally over, asking just for one question answered before she fell. Then the red blade lit up his scarred features.

The desperation never faded from her eyes as she sensed the movement of someone behind her - Ezra - caused her to turn briefly and push him away. They caught eye contact somehow, his eyes asking her the same question she was asking the man behind her, asking her why. Asking her why she was staying to die when she could just as easily leave with him, asking her why she was so emotional over someone who had come to kill them. He wanted to understand why she wanted to kill him and then didn't, why she had completely changed upon his arrival, why she had suddenly revealed her true self.

She didn't need to hear his yell to know that Vader was back again, his blood coloured weapon raised, poised to strike her down. Wordlessly she ignited her own weapons, flinging them over her head in attempt to save the young padawan the memory of her body falling – a surely disturbing sight. Then she ducked and span away moving under his arm to stop her back from being caught. For a few moments they carried on twisting and turning, but she no longer attempted to attack him. He pushed her back more easily than ever before, his swings becoming more deadly and only accomplishing near misses each time. But as the seconds wore on he pressed harder, moving more quickly, his attacks so close she felt the heat of the blade against her skin; she was running out of time.

"Why?" She asked him quietly, the tears running fast down her cheeks, her eyes bright with defeat and the air of someone with a broken heart, "Why are you doing this? I trusted you with my life! I loved you like a brother!"

Around her the temple shook, rocks falling, a deathly bundle of energy building up around them. In seconds he would kill her, before fleeing for his own life, limping and coughing.

"You left Anakin Skywalker behind you. He became weak and cowardly, so I destroyed him,"

She'd never expected an answer, but now she had one. With a clatter her silver hilts fell and rolled away, the blades extinguished for the last time. She stepped back without a sound, staring into his eyes. As he advanced towards her he scowled, his choked breathing the last sound she expected to ever hear. Her breathing uneven and her heart hammering faster than it had ever done before she closed her eyes, the image of his golden eye sticking in her head as she waiting for the final blow, afraid of what might come after.

But it never came. The last thing she knew was the weightless feeling of flying through the air, her body weightless, only feeling a sudden pain and then nothing. She drifted away from reality, losing herself in the comforting feeling of nothingness.

Elsewhere a dark figure rose and left, his wheezing breathing the only sound on the planet, his broad frame stumbling as he limped away, the memory of his former padawan tumbling into nothing but darkness never to leave him.

A/N:

l think that we can all agree that season 2 episode 20 requires a fan fiction all to itself. They say that if you don't like the way something ends, rewrite it. So I did. I present you a short story - not done yet- about how Ahsoka went on about the duel with her former master. Upon intense research and discussing deep, dark theories with others, I present you an alternative.

During my research, I admit going off task slightly, which ended up with me learning what Ahsoka's name means, and also the story behind "The last time I saw him, he was rushing off to save the Chancellor", an interesting story about the cancelled episodes of the Clone Wars where Ahsoka may or may not return, may or may not team up with Rex and may or may not create a plan with Anakin and Obi Wan which may or may not include hunting a certain Darth Maul. In fact, it may or may not go on to RofS, just before Obi and Skyguy go off to find the Chancellor.

Anyway, I'll shut up now. Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!