Something New

Fitzcarraldo

unedited.

Prologue 

fitzcarraldo: an image that somehow becomes lodged deep in your brain—maybe washed there by a dream, or smuggled inside a book, or planted during a casual conversation—which then grows into a wild and impractical vision that keeps scrambling back and forth in your head like a dog stuck in a car that's about to arrive home, just itching for a chance to leap headlong into reality.

song: Video Games by Lana Del Rey

"heaven is a place on earth with you...it's better than I even knew, they say that world was built for two, only worth living if somebody is loving you, baby now you do."

              Hiccup. 

              I find myself woken from my temporary slumber on the floor of the ballroom's coat closet— mouth dry and head spinning from the six flutes of champagne I downed in haste.

              His hands are roaming up and down my back, they're in my hair, he's massaging the small of my back. The spinning of the room is familiar, I feel myself lowering my head onto his shoulder, tilting my head ever so slightly to brush my lips across his temple.

              Hiccup. I'm fumbling in the dark now, hoping to find a way out of the maze of fur coats and silk scarves.

              "I love you..." My words are slurred, they drag out across the small distance between us, but they seem to linger there forever, suspended in the heat of the moment. He moves his hand to move my thigh across his legs, his eyes locked on mine, a lazy smile stretched across his face.

              Hiccup. I've never felt this kind of pain before. The kind of pain that squeezes you from the inside out, the kind that crawls it's way up your throat and stays there, waiting for your weakest moment to spill over and rip you apart.

             He wraps me into a hug and drags his eyes from my head to my toes and back again, kissing my head and pressing his lips against my ear, "I love you more."

             Hiccup.

             It's the kind of pain that finds you out of nowhere, usually in the middle of a happy moment, that sends you reeling towards a long forgotten flashback, wrapped up and pushed back to the furthest recesses of your mind. It's the kind of pain that swallows you whole and leaves you hanging by a thread, and it's exactly what I felt when I found out the love of my life was marrying the only person I thought I had left, my best friend.