Behind the Clothing

The Kiss

                I wait to be the last one in the locker room and then I enter. I quickly get to my locker, open it up, and get my clothing out. As, I am getting dressed I notice a dark figure hovering over me. I slowly turn around and I almost pee on myself Steven is standing here looking at me. I don’t know what to say, we are just standing there looking at me. It feels like we are standing there for hours, even though I know it has been no more than 2 minutes. Just when I thought we were going to stand there forever, Steven starts to speak.

                “Why?” He said with a hint of fear.

                “Why what?” I mumbled

                “Why do you make me feel this way? I am supposed to hate you. I have convinced myself I do hate you, but when I see you I feel fucking fuzzy. I don’t understand.”             

                “Why are you supposed to hate me? We were friends once and then you changed. You treated me horrible. So how do I make you feel?”  I am surprised I had the confidence to say those few sentences. I have no idea where it came from but I like it.

                “I treated you bad because I…”

                “You what?!”

                “I…”

                “Steven WILL YOU fucking say it!?”

                “I FUCKING LOVE YOU KATSU!!!! I AM NOT SUPPOSED TO BE GAY BUT I LOVE YOU! I THOUGHT BY MAKING YOUR LIFE HELL YOU WOULD MOVE OR I WOULD GET OVER THESE RIDICULOUS FEELINGS! I LOVE YOU KATSU!”            

                I slid to the floor. I didn’t know what to say, nor did I know what to think. Steven loves me? I know I have no experience with relationships, but if you love someone you treat them with kindness, and not disrespect for years.

                “Katsu please say something.”

                I could hear the tears in his voice. I don’t think this is a trick. I am so confused about this situation because I don’t know if I could love him. I mean sure we were friends, but I never thought of him in that kind of way. God, listen to me I am being greedy. Can I trust him though? He has hurt me so bad. I then get up and he is looking at me. Before I open my mouth to form words, I feel Stevens’s lips on mine. He is kissing me and I am left paralyzed. His kisses are rough, but gentle, slightly wet and warm. He is a good kisser. I need time to think about things. Plus, the next class is going to start very soon and I am sure this situation looks very odd.

                “Steven I need time to think. Please Steven just give me time because I honestly have no idea what to do.”

                “That is understandable,” I hear the sadness in his voice.

                I then close my locker and start to head out of the gym. I start to head towards my last class which is AP History. I have so much on my mind that it will definitely affect my studies. I just need to concentrate more and maybe I am dreaming. Fuck! I have cheerleading tryout after school. That totally has slipped my mind.  I hope I don’t fail because I would feel really shitty. I make it to my class and as soon as I find a seat the bell rings. I am so glad I got out of that locker room and made it in enough time. I look own and notice a few things. I notice that I didn’t grab my binder so hopefully e are just doing some light reading, and I also FORGOT TO CHANGE! Now I am sitting in class in my gym clothes and people are giving me odd looks.

                The teacher then walks to the board and rites down our in class assignment. We are assigned to read pages 17-34 and do the follow up questions. I grab the textbook from under my desk and turn it to page 17. I also notice that I have no paper and nothing to write with. As I was thinking my life really sucks Brandon, Steven’s best friend, hands me some paper and a pen. I am in total shock because we have never talked before and he is one of Steven’s minions who just sit and watch.

                “It looked like you need some items.” He said in a comedic tone.

                “Uh yeah thanks…”

                “It is no problem. I am glad I can help.”

                Why was he being so nice all of a sudden? I mean we definitely weren’t friends so I don’t understand. This day has been filled with confusion. I guess I better just focus on the assignment and worry about these tryouts.

                The bell rings and I close my book. I then head up to the front of the classroom and hand in my assignment. I walk back to give Brandon his pen back.

                “Here is your pen thanks again you really helped me out.”

                “Douitashimashite.”

            (means You’re Welcome)

“Wait...You speak Japanese?”

“I know a few words.”

“Cool I had no idea. I have to go. I will see you around I guess.”

I turned and left the classroom. What did I just say? I was speaking like I was friends with him. The odd thing is even though he makes me nervous I feel warmth speaking to him. I have no idea why. I need these ridiculous ideas and feelings to sop bothering me. I am going crazy because I mean he can’t be gay and he is Steven’s best friend. Although Steven kissed me I mean anything could happen right?

Speaking of Steven I see him walking towards me. E are looking at each other as we get closer. He is with a bunch of his friends, but it doesn’t look like he is paying them much attention. Steven gets closer and slips me a note. I try to capture the note so that it doesn’t fall to the ground. I open the note up and read it.

“Hey Katsu I hope my kiss didn’t freak you out. I really hope you can forgive the nightmare I put you in. I am honestly sorry Katsu. I realize my action were wrong. Please forgive me Katsu.”

I still don’t know what to do, so I take the long way to my locker. As I am thinking I start to try and put two and two together. Was Steven the one to right me those other notes? I mean that makes sense right? I then quickly get to my locker to see if my new idea was correct. I am going to compare this current note from Steven to the others. If they are the same handwriting I will know the truth. I get to my locker, open it up, and a pink envelope falls out. I pick up the envelope and open it. It is another note.

“Hey Katsu. I thought you looked really cute today. God, thinking about you makes me melt. I feel like you are the light to take me out of my world of darkness. I hide my sadness from other but the one thing that has put a smile on my face is you. You are angelic and one day you will know who I am. Until next time beautiful.

-The boy who thinks of you always”

So, I am guess Steven isn’t the one to write these notes. Also, the writing isn’t the same. I wonder who this boy is. Crap I am in a situation I could never think of would happen. Is this the definition of having “boy trouble” being gay I not easy at all. I was less confused when I thought I was straight, What am I going to do? I have no clue………..