Removed

Prologue

Sometimes someone hurts you so bad, it stops hurting at all. Until something makes you feel again. Every word, every hurt, every moment.

How could you ever understand where I came from. Even if you ask, even if you listen, even not really hear or see or feel.

You don't remember my story, you haven't walked my path, you haven't seen what I've seen,

My past defines me. This is who I am. I'm unseen, unheard, unwanted. That is what I am even if I am something.

It seems like the same things that held me up forces me down and the world turned upside down and ordered disappeared.

Nothing was how it was supposed to be and a heavy sadness held my soul.

Deeper and deeper I fell within my self and nothing could draw me out. Trapped in the misery of my life, lost in the sorrow of my soul, unable to see the light, unable to see the dawn.

Unable to feel, to hope, to dream. I thought the darkest days of my life kept coming. The blackest nights of my soul never stopped.

It seemed like it was always night time with nightmares and never morning. Maybe you wonder why but mostly you try and not to think about it and try to get it by and try to survive.

All the other stuff seemed like nothing then wanting the most important things back again.

Like wishing you can see your mothers smile again and wishing she can sing your favorite song again that calms you down when things were all messed up or when you just want her back. Or at least get to take care of your little brother because you know he needs you. He is going to be scared all alone. Who is going to hold his hand and whisper everything will be okay to him. Who will whisper it to me?

I know I'm helpless and in depended, desperate but what happens when the things you need most threatens the existence?

I heard plenty of promises and they all sound the same but push hard enough then sooner or later it all proved to be nothing.

The sun comes up every morning but do you know where? Each place its somewhere different. Its hard to find east when your moving around but at least it comes, it always comes. I've come to depend on that.

Then slowly, slowly seasons changed around me and it seemed this time that maybe the world might not be pulled out under me again.

Roots started to grow. Little buds of hope formed. Slowly attempting to trust this new life. I wish someone would tell me its going to be okay. Then one day maybe I'll feel normal and I will always feel wanted.

That I'll have a mommy again who will hug me and be strong for me because maybe I can't do it all by my self.

This is my past, my history, my story. Its not my fault. Its not because of me. It doesn't have to be what defines my future.

I am loveable, I am worthy of care and the glimmer of light, it makes all the difference. The glimmers of light gives me hope that someday my summer will come.