Look Up

Everyday it gets harder.

Everyday its like a nightmare progressing on.

Everyday is another prayer echoing from my bones asking god to take me now.

Everyday I close up more.

Everyday it gets more impossible.

Everyday I feel myself die some more. 

Everyday I lay on my bed wondering how I'll leave this hell.

I've Never felt so much pain. 

*****

I wonder if Jenny is home tonight? That one thought was circulating my mind as I strolled through the city park. The dim light of my phone lit up my face as I scrolled through my contacts for Jenny's number. The phone rang three times before she picked up.

"Hello? Ace, why are you calling me?" Jenny wondered.

"I, uh, I was wondering if you were at home tonight?"

"Oh, Ace I wont be home until later. Why? Did something happen?" 

I thought about it. Should I tell her? She was the only one that I trusted but still, I wasn't sure how she would react to this.

"Um, no, nothing happened. I'm just lonely." I whispered the last part.

I got no reply. Maybe she hung up. That wouldn't be a surprise. Everybody else does so why wouldn't she? I suddenly got a dark feeling in the pit of my stomach. Why did stick around this long? Nobody ever does. I felt the burning sensation of tears start to well up in my eyes.

"Ace? Ace are you there? Ace?" Jenny's voice cut through the silence.

"Yes, I'm here." I tried to hide the fact that I was crying but it was to no avail.

"Why are you crying? Ace please stop, I hate hearing you cry. I'll be home soon I promise." Jenny tried to calm me down.

"O-Okay." I stuttered. This is so embarrassing. Vigorously wiping the tears off my cheeks with the back of my sleeve, I said a quick goodbye to Jenny and hung up the phone, starting the long walk to her house. The park was in the very middle of town . It had a calming aura in it. That's why I loved it here so much. I could get away from all of my problems, well, until I went back home where THEY lived: Angela, Jerad, and, dare I say it, Zackary. My most favourite people on earth! I thought, sarcasm dripping from my voice. I used to live with the Millers but apparently I was 'different' and 'a disgrace to their family'. That's when I moved in with the Holdens. Worst day of my life. I found myself always on my phone in my room. Slowly slipping from reality and into a whole new dimension that I like to call 'Phone Land'. Original, I know. My life became filled with music and Facebook, the only things that were really important to me. Not that anyone actually cared. Except Jenny. The one person who valued my opinion and treated me as a human being. Well her and my phone. Siri will always be my best friend. 

I actually happened to be very popular on Facebook. With nearly 1 million friends. None of which knew who I actually was. A failure... Burden to mankind... Shameful... Denunciation. A perfect description of me.

No worries. I thought. I have my trusty phone to keep me company. Laughing softly to myself, I opened the Facebook app. I had 17 friend requests and 216 likes. This was my get away. Posting selfies of myself with nice clothes that I wasn't supposed to wear, styling my hair different ways until I like it, wearing hats, looking... Happy. My favourite picture of myself was of me with my hair in a quiff, wearing a grey beanie and a bright blue shirt with dark wash skinny jeans. It had received 503 likes. I seemed to have lost track of time because before I knew it, 30 minutes had passed. A shrill ring cut through my thoughts like a knife through butter, startling me. 

"Hello?" I said, not bothering to check the caller ID.

"Ace, its Jenny. How close are you to my house?"

"Uh, I'm about 15 minutes away. Why?" I asked.

"Oh, well I just got home so hurry up. I need someone to do my hair for me!" she squealed.

I rolled my eyes. What a girl. "Jenny, you don't have any hair. And even if you did I wouldn't know what to do with it. I'm a guy remember?"

That's right. Jenny doesn't have hair. She has leukaemia and lost all her hair when she was 15. She's 17 now and it still hasn't grown back. The doctor said it might not ever. But if you know Jenny like I do, you would know that she wouldn't take no for an answer.

"Shh!" she hissed. "It can hear you, you know!"

"Whatever. I'm almost there. Bye" 

I pressed end before Jenny could say another word. I pulled my ear-buds out of my pocket and stuck them in my ears, pressing play on one of my favourite songs: 'Sad Song' by We The Kings. I mouthed the words in time to the music. Without you I feel broke, like I'm half of a whole. Without you I've got no hand to hold. Without you I feel torn, like a sail in a storm. Without you, I'm just a sad song. I found this song describes me perfectly. I am just a sad song with nobody to sing to. 

After what seemed to be hours but was actually ten minutes, I turned a corner onto a familiar street. Gravel crunched under my old, ripped converses as I walked closer to her house. Number 307. That number was forever embedded into my head. I made a vow to Jenny that I would never forget it.

"Hey Ace!" Jenny's voice rang through the silence of the late afternoon and into my ears.

Thunder crackled above as a warning that a storm was coming in. Rain started to fall softly onto us. One drop got onto my phone, blurring the screen for a moment before I wiped it off, only to be replaced by three more.

I turned off my phone and looked at her. She was wearing light wash skinny jeans with a dark grey sweater that said PINK on it. I looked at myself. I was wearing a plaid shirt and jeans. Not bad Ace, not bad at all, I said to myself. She grinned at me and I returned it. I felt an emotion in my gut that I haven't felt in months. I felt alive. I noticed her arms had bandages wrapped around them, slowly falling off. Exposing her darkest secrets.

She had a giant grin on her face. Beautiful. Jenny looked up to the sky, letting the rain was away all her pain. We then started laughing for no reason at all. It just felt right. I copied her actions. Closing my eyes and turning my face up to the sky, letting the rain fall on my face and take away all of my pain, sorrow, agony, misery, suffering. I was suddenly all gone. I was free. And then, I opened my eyes and saw what I was missing all this time. It was truly beautiful. The fresh air, the rain. Everything was so perfect. And in this moment I realized something. I was going to be okay. Jenny was going to be okay. Everything was going to be okay.

This happened because I saw the real beauty of life.
I looked up.

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AN:

Short story. If you want to see the story from Jenny's POV then go to Catrock0.