Too Late

My shitty life

"GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!!!" My so called father screamed. A empty beer bottle came hurtling through the air and smashed by my body, into the wall. Lucky he missed me this time. I walked upstairs, went into my bathroom and pulled out my blade. I made a few marks and let the blood hit the counter. "Fuck it" I quickly wiped the blood off. I pulled my sleeves down and walked out of the bathroom, walked down stairs and walked outside.
"Goodbye faggot!" My father screamed.
Why does he hate me so much? Am I that much of a disappointment?
I stood outside my house and pulled my phone and headphones out. I blared "In the end' by Black Veil Brides. I continued my walk to school silently crying.
7:15am. I have 40 minutes till school starts. 40 minutes till I have to deal with everyone and their shit! My wrists were stinging! But it's the pain I deserve. I don't want to live. I don't deserve to live. I will die soon. I am sure of that.

I showed up at school with 30 minutes till my first class, which happened to be pre cal. I hate that class. The only good part about it was getting to see Cam. He is this preppy boy. But the problem is, He's straight. He has blonde hair. He has blue eyes. And is 6'1. He is my dream boy. I wish he was gay.

When I walk up to my locker I find multiple posters saying stuff like "Cutter" "Faggot" "Gay" Etc etc etc. It makes me so mad. But I can't show my emotion now. That will be tonight's activity. I'll cry and cut then... I rip the posters down and get what I need for my class. Fuck humans! Fuck the world! Fuck everyone here!!!!! I hate it here. At that moment Cam walks by me. I smiled and tried to get him to look at me. No point, he likes girls....
For the next few classes I stared at the back of Cam head. I bet I look pretty creepy. But no one noticed. I mean no one ever notices me ever! Which can be an advantage, I can move through the hallways and no one sees.

************ 1 hour and 30 minutes later********

Class was over and it was lunch. God I wish Cam would look at me. I want him to know I'm here, I want him to become gay so he would date me. What am I saying he wouldn't like a fuck up like me. No one does. My parents don't even like me. That says a lot.

My mom died or left or whatever when I was 2. My "dad" married this whore, who married him then divorced him and took everything. So for a while my dad was pretty depressed for a while. Which made him drink then he got drunk and abused me. I hate him!! He still abuses me, it's a common thing. Because he is always drunk. I don't even remember him ever sober. He might have been when my mom was alive but that was a long time ago. 15 years to be exact. For the last two classes Cam wasn't in my class. Which to be honest made me really upset. I know he doesn't know who I am, but even by seeing him I get happy. God I wish he liked me, or even as a matter of fact knew who I was. I was walking to my locker and the head cheerleader walked by with her posse of snob friends. They smacked my books to the floor, one of the girls kicked them across the hallway. While I was picking them up the football captain threw his gum at me. I was so humiliated and pissed off.I quickly picked my books up, stuck them in my locker and ran into the bathroom. I wasn't surprised that they followed me. Even the girls!! They knew I was gay. That's what made them bully me more. "Jake... Jake... Jake!" The football captain taunted. "We have always known you are gay" He smirked. "L..leave me a..alone" I stammered. "Awww gay boy can't speak." The quarterback said. A cheerleader stole the bag I had on my back. She went threw it, throwing everything to the floor. A drawing fell out. It was a picture of Cam and I kissing. I am a very talented artist, but I don't like to talk about it. "Is this Cameron!!?? And you kissing!!??" Someone asked. He ripped the photo pieces and threw them to the floor. I fell to the floor crying. That's when they made their move. They kicked me. And made me lay down. They kicked a few more times. Then the cheerleader bent down and kissed me. Yuck! "See what your missing? Girls are hot! Gays don't deserve to live." Then she kicked me and walked out of the guys bathroom. They all followed. I picked myself up off the floor, grabbed what I needed from the floor and headed home. When I got home I heard dad screaming. I don't know at what. But I could hear him. Now I'm scared. I slowly walked into the house. He didn't know I was there. Good! Lets keep it that way. I walked upstairs and went into my room. I saw everything on the floor. I dropped my stuff and ran into my bathroom and looked for my blade. I only saw one of them. I had four!! That fuck bag stole them! Those were my best friends. I walked out of the bathroom and sauntered down stairs and saw dad at the bottom of the stairs. "You suicidal faggot!" My dad spat. I winced at those words. "School ended and hour ago! You should have been home 20 minutes ago." I shrugged my shoulders. "You will be sorry!" He spewed. He threw me to the ground and kicked the spot where the jocks already did. He kicked me over and over again. I moaned and groaned. Which made him kick me more. He mumbled, "Faggot!" Then walked off. I had to stand up. I ran into the bathroom and threw up. I I was convulsing. Every convulsion made it hurt worse. "Fuck..." I moaned and leaned against the wall trying to hold back tears. "I hate my life." Can't I just die now?  I walk upstairs and find the remaining blade, I hold it to my wrist but don't do anything with it.