Diary of a Ménage à Trois

Chapter 1

                  

I wasn't expecting it: his words or my reaction. I mean, Evan had texted me that day, I was still shaken after our rocky almost-relationship, and I was doing my best to be okay- to distract myself. So I did what every girl looking to get over a guy does: eat chocolate and swipe my way through tinder's finest. Classy, right? Left, left, left, oooh maybe he's- nope, his bio is lame, left, left, right- MATCH! Okay, moving on... Left, left, left... Hmm. This guy plays guitar, and his bio makes me think he actually wants to talk and not just hook up: "If you read this, mention the word "backpack" casually in conversation when you message me and I'll be impressed." Well, I never could resist a challenge to impress someone...

"Be honest, did you swipe right for my dog?" Oops, did I mention he had a dog on his profile picture?

"Haha no, why? Does that happen often?"

"Very. You're literally the second person to say no lol. You're really stunning"

"I mean, I'm a dog person (who isn't), but I also like your backpack thing. That's clever, and different from the standard 'I'm 6'2" and like to work out and sports/hunting/gainz and war damn' And thank you" Alright, alright, I'm playing it cool, this is good. All is well. Conversation proceeds normally with chatter of dating people of odd heights (I dated a guy that was 5'1" one time) and he seems really chill.

"Your bio says you're here to 'meet people and possibly hangout' but I'm sensing something a little more." Uh oh. Is this the part where he offers his place and his ability to 'rock my world and make all my sexual dreams come true?'

"Tbh, it started as a competition with my friends, but I actually enjoy a lot of the conversations I have with strangers"

"Haha maybe I'm wrong then"

"Well, I guess if I wasn't somewhat interested in something a little more, I probably wouldn't get on here anymore" Did I just send that? Really? Jesus, am I stupid or something? Now I sound easy!

"Haha true. So let's just be perfectly clear with what we're wanting" Okay, okay, I can work with this. He wants straight up honesty, and we can both figure out if the conversation is worth continuing.

"Oh, I want a lot of things: a day off, a million dollars, my chemistry homework to not make me want to drown myself in ice cream and cream soda..." Still playing it cool.

"You're good lol"

"What about you? What do you want?" Sex? Money? A cuddle buddy?

"I want to never have to work a day in my life and to always have exact change in my pocket when I've got to buy something. Like, say I needed to buy condoms. I'd just walk up with the box, and when they told me the total, I'd immediately have exactly that amount in my pocket." The example is totally an insinuation, but it's a nice thing to want.

"Interesting.. Exact change and not a penny over. But I'd bored out of my mind without work."

A little more casual conversation, and this, my friends, is where it gets juicy.

"Ok, let's be honest lol. What do you actually want out of tinder?"

"Not a fling? I mean, I enjoy hanging out and doing wild crazy things, but I'm not your typical Netflix and chill chick." Basically, I'm not sleeping with you.

"Understood. So like... what?" Well, he got half of it, and he's still asking for more..

"Conversation, random late night Taco Bell runs and food delivery, somebody to nod and roll their eyes when I complain about that darn girl in my bio class that insists she knows all the answers, and somebody that I can push off the couch so I can get a leg up in Mario Kart." What? I'm just being honest...