Dear, Future Wife

For You, My Dear

Dear future wife,

I don't know whether you've already met me or not. So wherever you are right now, i wish you're on a better situation than me. If you're not my darling, just know there's always a part of my prayer that goes to wish you well in life.

I honestly don't know what to write here. I'll just tell you what i've been dealing right now as words starts to pour. Judging from myself, you'd rather see this in english because we would agree it's less cheesy. But i know at this point you already laughing because i'm still going to sounds so cheesy for the rest of this letter. Sorry, it's in my blood.

It's been a rough time for me. I've always been a bit of sensitive when it comes to my age. Because i'm still party rocking. Haha.. Joking. Honestly, it's more that i'm not ready to grow old, as my parents gets older.

I'm not at the point where i could make them proud of me. Things just didn't work as i planned years before. Maybe it's just me and my power of messing things i actually don't want to mess the most. Trust me, i'm working on it.

I''ve never been an extrovert who's comfortable to share most things. All of my exes told me i should go love myself. Truth be told, i'm a total jerk back then, i don't feel any need to be in a relationship. The difference of being single and in a relationship for me is just.. Well it takes two of all the things i could do alone.

I know one day you just came into my life like a morning dew. Stripping all my ego, knocking on what's left inside a box i kept safely, and made me realize of something i secretly need the most. You.

Suddenly things feels not right whenever i'm alone. My weekend drives doesn't feel as pleasureable if you're not there makes reading and choosing direction even worst than i do by myself(good thing we still arrived on the destination). My lunch won't be as enjoyable if you're not there calling the manager because something on my food made my allergic reaction relapse(good thing i haven't die yet). My daily activities wouldn't be so bearable without you telling me what to do and not to(good thing you're as annoying as me on that). Yeah, you're going to say that it's just your thing, but darling you don't know how a little detail could means so much for someone.

What? You don't believe that i'd even remember all those details? I know i always have a hazy memory, but try asking me the first 3 sentence when i first met you 25 years from now, 100 bucks i'd still remember it.

I know, i know, you're not here to see my declaration of desperation. But by the time you read this as my wife or wife-to-be, i want you to know how much you've changed me. Look at this poor bastard, it's your man before we got together.

Dear future wife,

I'm sorry if i didn't let you name our son. It's just me and my obsession with names. You know why.. Well i let you name our daughter if we have one instead right? But tell me there's a Qiandra on her name. No? Would you just.. Okay.

I'm sorry if i'm buying a lightsaber for our child's first birthday. I know you'd say it's lame, it's dangerous, but come on! Let me just be a cool-Darth-Vader-suit-wearing-father i always wanted to be. Trust me, the force is strong with this one.

Don't be afraid about our kids' future anyway. I'll work hard to give the best for them, won't do what we thought our parents did wrong to us, but most of all they'll be fine because they have you as their mother. What? I'm not teasing you, look at the trophy they gave you, "World's best mom." Damn, they told you i doubled their pocket money for that huh? Sorry.

There will be times, when you'll going to be mad at me for some things i've done. Or i'll be the one who mad at you for some things you've done. Well sometimes things go wrong to make ways for the right one. We learn, we change, we'll do better. Just bear with me through the roller coaster of our relationship. Because even though i hate roller coaster for fuck sake, the heights, the ups and downs, the fucking bumps and banks, i just can't stand the idea of not taking that chance to be in a roller coaster with you.

Anyway, by the time you read this or re-read this, you've know me pretty well so don't be surprised if i'm a bit of weird and a bit of geek. I know you always ask me why the hell would i make an indomie kuah without putting any kuah on it? It's just Taufan things my dear. I know you're going to be mad at me everytime i spend another money on some geeky stuff like a Stormtrooper helmet, or a Pudge hook. It's useless i know, but it's just a reminder of my not so serious side when i start to lose myself on some job.

Dear future wife,

Okay, it's almost 1000 words. Honestly could write a lot more but i'm going to stop here instead before you dump my letter already. I know i'm not perfect for you, but know exactly i want to, and try to.

I don't know who you are neither know where you are. But here i am working to be someone worthy for you, and you might do the same too there. So we'll work out each other's parts on our life first, and when we ready, maybe universe have something in mind about us. Or, we might already met, but we haven't realize. Yikes, how could you miss all those times not being with me already? Hahahahaha.. Fuck yeah confidence!

About our first date, don't judge me wrong for can't look you on the eyes or even can't find anything to say. It's just i can't stand to see those beautiful eyes and it keeps distracting me to find things to say. Hahahahaha gotcha! I know you're going to pull your, "What the fuck" face on me. Okay, i'll back off using the cheesy part.

I might sound hypocritical but, i wish you didn't fall in love with someone else. Try coming to my life as fast as you could my dear. I've done my deed as a nice asshole for my exes and crushes, now let me be the right kind of asshole for you. I can't wait to spend our times together, because who knows what i prefer to do more than you do anyway?

So yeah, that's me at my current time. So, if you're the one given this very letter personally, i want you to know that, i simply love you for who you are. Thanks, for coming into my life and actually stop-by, to change everything i am to be a better man.

Now, let me return the chance to be the builder and the developer of your architected dreams and reality. The half bearer of your burden. The one you could run into through every phase of yourself. The one to share every little of your story and knows what to told you. The one you'll love for what i am.

With love, your cheesy wordsmith.

Muhammad Taufan Rizaldy Putra.