Unbreakable Hearts

~The Heartbreak ~

Sunday morning came around and I called the nurse again to see if they have any update on Steven. She once again told me, the sentence I dreded most,"Mrs. Fields, he's solid as a rock and not fully dead yet. If you're that worried, or think I'm lying, come down and confirm my statement. " "Really?! you want to tell me that! I live two hours away from this hospital that I've never been to and I have a job 9-3 shift; so I am always on my feet. Yesterday, was my fifth anniversary and I had to spend that with him in a hospital that I had no idea where it was at! On top of that,he finds out that I am pregnant and lands here as a result! I had to grill and eat my dinner without him, and I don't even know if or when he's going to wake up. And you want to tell me, I'm too clingy! Well, than I have something to say to you, 'Suck a lime, cause you don't know the pain!'"Mrs.Fields, I understand where you're coming from." I whispered to myself, "Do you really?" The nurse heard me and said," Yeah, I do actually, I have to sit at this desk all day long and deliver the the bad news for families, spouses, such as yourself, best friends etc. That they are in the hospital and dying from whatever the case might be." Alright, you're right I'm sorry for going off on you like that. You didn't deserve it. I have the day off tomorrow. I'll come down then," "Thank you. I accept your apology. "I'll see you tomorrow." "Goodbye."

" Gosh,that nurse was so rude! " is what I screamed after I got off the phone with her. I threw the phone on the bed and thought ,"Maybe, I'm overreacting. I have a job to get to, because unlike some people, I have a job." My work route was in the direction of the hospital, I clearly was in a bad mood, it was already 8:30 and naturally, I didn't want to go. But, I knew deep down, Steven wouldn't want this. He'd want me to be strong, as hard as it may be, and keep it together. My best friend and co-worker, and neighbor, Janie, drove us to work this morning. She knew I wasn't going to be able to focus on the road properly. She went through a similar problem and I was there to help her too. This morning, she brought me red roses, and circus cookies because she knows they are my favorites. She tried to help me feel better.When I stormed into the doors at work, everybody was cheery as usual, but not me. All day people were trying to talk to me. They had no idea what the deal was. It was none of their business  and if they knew, I'd, tell them, " And that's why I need to be left alone!" I hadn't said a word all day, unless I was talking to Nurse Rita.

 Janie was trying her best to keep me away from peole and people away from me. For a while, it was working; until my boss called me into his office. He told me he knew what happened. He told me I wasn't going to be able to stay positive through all of this and still work with children with out going off on anybody. He told me he would offer me two weeks paid vacation along with gas money for my commute. I gladly thanked him and accepted his generous offer. I finished the rest of my day and carpooled again with Janime When she dropped me off, she walked me to my front door trying to finish the conversation we had in the car. I invited her in because her and I had nothing to do and we still were chatting about the coma situation and not knowing how long it was going to last. I mare her a cup of coffee when we were done talking. She went home and enjoyed the rest of her evening.

 I called the hospital back hoping it wasn't Rita who would answer the phone this time,  It was her as suspected, I began with an apology from the way I reacted this morning and that it wasn't fair of me to go off on her the way I did. She accepted my apology and told me that Steven smiled at her as she checked up on him. His eyes weren't open, his heart was beating at the same rate it was before. She also spoke to him about me calling him and his heart raced a little more then, it stopped as son as she was done. She mentioned that he's not out of his coma yet, and don't know how much longer he would be in it. Rita said, "It's very common for people in a coma, to hear everything that is being said to them", meaning he heard what I said to him yesterday. I asked her if I could just get a phone placed in his room for me to sing to him. And as the lyrics came out, my heart beated faster than it ever had before, (not dangerously high though) and I wept like a baby praying as words barely came out if me hoping he would wake up.  Before I asked to hang up the phone I told him I love him no matter what happens by the end of this. Still, no sign, not a flinch, no movement at all and asked to hang up the phone. The nurse did as I asked and said sweetly," I'm sorry about your husband, you have a pretty voice. Have a blessed day. " " Thank you. I will.  You too" I responded.

Long days grew tiresome and lonely without Steven. Before I knew it, a month's gone by. Everyday, on my  vacation, I went and saw the love of my life the in that hospital bed. I remember one day when I was there in his room, his heart was beating rapidly fast. He went into a cardiac arrest. I alerted the doctor as fast as I could. He explained it was a heart attack and that I had to get out of the room as soon as possible, because it wasn't good for the heart for more people to be there. I stood outside of that room finding myself peeking through the window more than once. It was demolishing to see him like this. My heart couldn't bear it. Once again, I peeked through and the doctor caught me. I stood there like a der in the head lights. He motioned for me to go away and stop looking in. I couldn't help myself, this for this was the one time I disobeyed the doctors. I still looked through, the doctor didn't notice me this time. I also looked to see if Steven's heart rate was steady and stable and itcwas calming down. When the doctor came out of the room he said, "Thank God you were in the room when that happened. He wouln't've have made it, not without a doctor anyway. You're husband is lucky he has you. He's stable now. You may go see him now."