Her Story : Nina Morgan

Part 1: Dulling House

My room was silent , the house was  silent. I laid wide awake , starring at the once hot pink ceiling through the darkness , it dulled , just like everything else, as the life drained from my once vivid home . I reminisced , all the joy that used to fill the halls , the laughter that bounced off the walls , and at the drop of a pin everything changed. My sister was gone , my mother was gone , and the man I used to call daddy is now a alcohol filled shell . Everything that was seem so perfect crumbled to the ground in a single puff from the devil .

It started with Ka'ren , my mother, she wanted so much . She wanted money , lights , cameras , and our small family didn't fit that picture . Nicki suffered . She suffered the worst of it . She was took after Ka'ren and she met the same fate . My mother would  disappear for days at a time , cracked up . Her beauty diminished as her addiction became more potent . Her blood craved it , she grew dysfunctional as the drugs would pass . Soon the craving became a bigger devil . It devoured her and she fed it until it was no more of her . We thought it was another disappearing act until one day the silence of our house was broken . Broken with the deep , slow , taunting knocks of an city security official . My dad never cried , or even mentioned her name after .

Nicki left with her abusive boyfriend in the cool mist of the dark later that same evening . Within a two week we received an other  sequence of knocks . Nicki's boyfriend lost his cool when she came in the house 20 minutes late of curfew due to traffic . He held her against their off-white dingy apartment wall by her neck and squeezed until she flashed blue and purple. Until she stopped squirming for air . Until she was unable recover air . My sister was choked until her brain was completely drained of oxygen and left in their studio apartment to rot . 
I was thirteen .

My dad , was broken . He lost the love of his life and his prized daughter in the same month . That's why even with the worst he puts me through I stay . I can't leave him too . I remember I caught him with his hand gun held at his temple . His eyes snapped open at me when he heard the creaking of the master bedroom's door and he whispered , "You'll look just like her."

When his words were first spoken I wasn't sure if there meaning . But shortly after puberty hit and my 16th birthday came around ... My life ultimately hit rock bottom . I soon came to realize what he meant . 

Things started to happen . Things I never envisioned . Things that changed me .

I peeked over at my pink hello kitty clock , I had 13 minutes until hell picked up where it left off . I sat up on my bed and let out a small groan at my reality . My room was filled with my old childish trinkets . Frozen in a happier time . The walls still poster filled , old clothes lingered in the mix with the "new" . New meaning new to me , they mostly things Nicki left before she ran out . They fit me perfectly . Her jewelry and journals scattered across my dresser . I ran down stairs not bothering to shower since I spent two hours scrubbing the combined scent of my father and alcohol from my body less than  three hours ago . I cringed at the horrid memory .

I psychologically profiled the situation with him . He drank to escape . Addicted to the ignorance of pain , avoiding his grief . My mom , Ka'ren , was his high school sweetheart , they ran away once she found out that she was pregnant with Nicki . He worshipped her . Promising her everything he could . And he delivered what . But she wanted more . She wanted more than a daughter , more than a simple working husband . Once she realized no one wanted to hear and 30 year old new female musician she grew bitter , she chased after these rich guys . Mostly those who made their big bucks in the drug trade . She made my dad weak , using the only thing he could give her that they couldn't... Love . He wanted her happy and when she realized he'd do anything for her , she beat him down . Disrespected him , stripped him of his masculinity .

Everyone used smiled when they said "Your beauty reflects your mother so , that smile , your eyes , your skin , and hair ." Little did they know it became my curse . He saw her too . I was no longer Nina , I was Ka'ren . The one he fell in love with and better . I was her when she was submissive , weak , and still pure hearted . He craved the feeling of that power he had over me . The power he lost over Ka'ren . He did to me , what she did to him . He wants to be sure I'll never leave , that I'm too afraid too . But he doesn't realize I love him . He thinks this is the way to keep me here . By breaking me , ensuring I fear his almighty wrath . He doesn't realize I'm not going anywhere . I'd feel bad if I did . I'm all he has left . That's why after a year of this , I'm here .

I finished his breakfast , put his lunch in the microwave , and brought his tray up stairs . Before entering , I inhaled deeply and released it slowly .

"Uhm , Daddy ." I lightly pushed the door open , the only crack of light was released into the room .

He laid on his stomach across his bed horizontally , both feet dangle over the edge .

I placed his breakfast at the edge and tapped him to wake up . He groaned deeply and I jumped back in fear .