Broken and Bruised (One Direction Fan Fic)

I Need Your Help

•Jordan•

Forcing my eyes shut, I try to close off the obnoxious and arrogant voices that belong to Harry and Zayn. They hate me and I know for a fact, that everyone else I have meet does as well.

Isn't Zayn carrying on this drama with my anger a little to far? I mean it's been a day but that's enough time to cool off, I have that's for sure- at least I think I have. I feel really bad for the way I acted towards Tessa but I just can't handle it anymore. I can't handle the pressure that everyone is dealing out at the moment. It's hard and I'm struggling. I've stumbled, even crawled, through my life but now I feel like I have been picked up and everyone is shoving me along.

"Jordan?" A deep voice asks from behind the closed curtain.

"What?" I ask sharply, almost harshly as well. The blankets that once covered my head have now been peeled back enough for me to listen to what is being said.

"It's me, Zayn. I wanted to apologise for my rude comments and my behaviour," He says, his voice faint as I push the curtain open ajar.

"Why do you feel like you have to apologise Zayn?" I ask as I pull the curtain open further.

"Because I said some mean things to you and I feel really bad and guilty for saying them." He explain while staring at his feet.

"Oh. Well thanks I guess." I say with a frown. Zayn sends me a small smile and then walks off down the corridor.

That was.... surprising, confusing and shocking. Why does Zayn have to be so bipolar or moody?? Why is he sending mix messages?? At one point he is caring and then the next he hates me. Bipolar definitely.

After what feels like hours of tossing and turning, I throw the blankets off of my body and trudge down the hall. Tessa stands in front of the boys, Eleanor's arm draped over Tessa's shoulders. A look of envy fills her eyes as Eleanor embraces Louis. But then she looks at Niall and the light changes, from being dark and hollow, they change to bright and assertive. Does Tessa have a crush on Niall??

Crush sounds so Primary school talk but possibly she does. Maybe Tessa is in love with Niall but he's so silly that he doesn't realise this beautiful girl is falling head over heels for him.

Keeping my mouth clamped shut and my hands clenched tightly, I slide to the ground. Tears threatening to spill has a hurtful thought crosses my mind. They are better off without me. They don't need me around. I'm just a pawn in their game of chess. Their charity case, that they supposedly don't have. Swiping at my eyes and cheeks, I stand up slowly.

Strolling back to my bunk, adrenaline is pulsing through my veins. My heart rate increases rapidly as my fingers close around the sharp, cool metal in my duffel bag. Whipping it out and shoving it up my sleeve, I sneak into the bathroom. Shutting and locking the door, the boys and girls that are in the lounge can't hear or see what I am about to do to my body.

As the blade slips down my skin and falls into my palm, small droplets of blood ink my hand. Rolling both sleeves up, I see where the corner of the blade has intruded my skin. Tiny pin pricks tickle my wrist, as I gently stab my pale skin with the corner of the blade. Adjusting the blade in my hand, a lightly drag the sharp edge across my porcelain skin. A tickling sensation goes through my body, as I'm now in familiar territory. As my heart beat quickens even more, I begin to apply more pressure. The blade cutting a little deeper as I support my wrist over the small vanity. A small cry of joy bubbles from my lips as my blood slips down the drain, staining the vanity basin.

"Jordan?" A voice asks through the door.

"What?!" I ask sharply as my wrist falls from my grasp.

"Can I come in?" The deep voice asks again.

"No," I say simply before turning back to my scarred wrist.

"Come on, please Jordan!!!" They beg.

"No. Now go away and leave me in peace. I need to think quietly and alone." I explain, putting emphasis on 'alone'.

As the footsteps fade into nothing, I bring the blade back to my skin but I can't find the energy to do this any more. To find a reason to have to paint my wrists with scars. I can't do it anymore. I just can't do it.

Throwing the razor into the sink, I tug on the tap. Water sprays everywhere as it bounces off the curves in the basin. Water droplets land on my skin and clothes. Shutting off the vicious water, all the blood that was in the basin has disappeared. A cream towel hangs on a rack. So I reach forward slightly and pull it off. Securing it tightly around my wrist, it absorbs all the blood. Turning from cream to a pinky red colour in a matter of seconds.

"Why must I do this?" I ask no one in particular. I must be going insane because I'm talking to myself now.

~•~•

Three more long days have passed. We are mainly driving, only stopping so often but I feel like I'm being forgotten. Which doesn't surprise me at the slightest, I am pretty boring and I just make every situation awkward. Maybe I should run away, again. Maybe I should just disappear, nobody would notice. Nobody would care. Or I could-

"Jordan? Where are you?" A soft voice asks quietly in the dark. My breath hitches in my throat at the familiar voice. Tessa is looking for me. Clamping my hand over my mouth, I slowly slide beneath my covers and close my eyes. Rolling onto my side, I bunch the covers around my head. Slipping further down the bed, I stretch out to my preferred length.

"Eleanor. She must be asleep. We'll just have to talk to her in the morning." Tessa whispers to Eleanor.

"Okay. Well. Night, I guess." Eleanor whispers back.

What the fuck? Why do they need to talk to me? Why are they looking for me. I need to leave, like sooner rather than later.