Lonely Heart in the world

Who is love

"Love isn't really a who, but in this case I will let it be. Who is love... family can be love, but so can friends, But the real person that I would call love, is that one person that you truly feel like you cannot live without, but first lets start with a crush. The random ones, the ones that you've had for years, or only for a day... because without that, are we really in love?"

Never have I been confessed to before that day, never had I dreamed that someone liked me... I was the invisible girl in class, I had glasses and old t-shirts that I bought cheap, I wear sweatpants and jackets, I hardly ever wear makeup and even when I do its usually subtle and unnoticeable.

But he confessed to me.., A guy that was kind of invisible like me, but thinking back.. he wasn't invisible at all.. he was like that huge sign that you pass by every day and see but just keep going, and don't stop to really think about it, but if you were to stop and look at it you wont forget that its there anymore....

He told me that he liked me, he called me names like beautiful, angel, natural beauty.. and I scoffed and brushed them off, just secretly loving it.. No one had told me these things, never had I heard such cheesy pick up lines and sweet words. I wondered if it could really be ok for me to let my guard down and get to know him.. I have never been that open, eventually though he broke down my walls and I became comfortable around him..

But it was just a temporary dream before it became a nightmare..

His sweetness was matched by his stubbornness...,  his control became demanding and intimidating, He figured out my weaknesses so easily and yet I knew nothing of his, he was in power at all times and his lies just continued.. He became possessive and strict even though he had no right over what I was doing.. He manipulated his own life to make me second guess myself and made me want to love him even more, just pulling me farther and farther down into the abyss that he had made.

He told me so many things it was hard to find any opening, not only could you sense it but he would tell you that he was instable, and it was true, he was very sensitive, and his sarcasm could make you cringe. He wasn't perfect by any means, but I know that no one is, and that is probably one of the things that drew me to him. He was upfront and honest about most things and looking back.. he was hiding so much behind that upfront attire. He would hint and tease at information, making you feel sorry for him, and not wanting to abandon him. He would look so broken and fragile one push would destroy him so easily that you wanted to protect him and try to fill the holes.

I cant say that everything he said was a lie, or that everything he did was an act, but I can tell you that at times he seemed sincere, and others he seemed to be testing me to see how I reacted. I can relate to not having a perfect home,or a family that is split up a lot. He had similar interests and ideas as well as we shared how we thought a lot of the time.. so similar it was almost scary. He became something that he hated most.. but that was something I would never be able to tell him.

I wont call him scary, because he was such a sweet guy, but rather I would say that he comes on very strongly, especially when it comes to something he loves, and although I am not frightened easily he was so intimidating that you just had to step back a bit and let him calm down. He promised to wait till I thought I was ready, but when he met resistance... he left, and as of today I have yet to hear from him.

It seems that my dream has come to an end this time.. perhaps the next will have a better ending

I am still searching for the person that I will call "Love" but I know that one day I will find that person, and I will look back to this story as a fond memory of how far I have come from the person that I was, to the person I will be.