My life has been very tough with a bad eating habit I have been going through my life. I can barely eat anything healthy, and all I do is eat junk food that is extremely unhealthy for me to eat. I have been doing this ever since I was a baby really. My doctor thought it would be something that will pass as I get older, but instead it has become worse and worse. There are times where I have had the chance to help myself, but always make the wrong decision and tend to not get the help that I need, even though I should be taking the help. I have friends who do their best to help me in the best way possible to help me. Sadly enough, I still have the problem of eating to this day. Hopefully my eating habits will be gone in the future, but who knows. The fact that I never had a singer vegetable, and only some fruit in my life, is not a good thing at all. This starts to get really embarrassing when I go to a friends house, or meet someone knew, because I get scared of what they will think of me when they find out I have a "bad eating habit." Usually I feel people who know how bad of an eater I am would never invite me again, and if I meet someone knew, I wonder if they'd be my friend still and accept me for who I am. I am surprised for people who are capable of going through the tough times of my bad eating habits, and don't care if they are seen with me eating like a little kid. I am really thankful for the friends in my life because they accept me for who I am, no matter how bad my eating disorder is. Trouble is, once I go into college, the people I see there may become my friends too, and I will always have my friends who are friends with me now be in my life forever, and new people as I get older to be with. Dealing with this problem for years has always made me think in the future if I will ever get to live a long lifespan. I also wonder what people's parents feel about me eating really bad. What really scares me the most about my eating disorder is that it has been getting worse as each year goes on, because Ill never get to go back. I really hope it doesn't get any worse because if it does, I may as well be starving my own body even more, because that is what it seems to be getting too. I am hoping to live a long lifespan and it has been on my mind lately that my eating disorder is not helping me live a very long life. What makes this even worse is that most of the time I have a very small appetite, so I never really eat much even when I am hungry. Later on after, I always seem to get hungry later on, and then I may start to not feel good. I know I am probably starving my body as it seems and I can't even begin to think how I can even do such a thing as not eating much. I try to eat more, the best that I can, but then again it is probably not enough effort, like I don't even try at all, since I never really get the help I need. I don't know what the future holds for me, and the way I eat. I just try to deal with it the best I could for myself right now, and hope in the future I can eat more things, because if I don't, who knows, I could end up dead. All I can do now is hope I can start to get the help I need, and hope with my friends, that we can start to work together and really start to get the help I need, starting now. I am grateful for the friend I have, and I wouldn't trade them in for anything.
