place like this ✧ jm

four

valerie  + flashback

"baby i love you, ill call you soon."

"gavin we're in the city, please just be safe."  my voice rang ever so quietly over the sound of the rain tapping on the city sidewalks. his dark shadow was only given light by the occasional cars that rode past, the only sign of human nature in the area. his eyes were dark, but i could still make contact with them.

"ill be back later. stop stressing valerie." "you know you should've paid him back earlier, he's so dangerous." i whispered stepping closer to him.
"i know i know. im sorry. i love you." he whispered before kissing my cheek and carrying on to walking to his car. everytime we were in the city, he had to deal with someone. always. i bit my lip as my heart beats quickened. his hands grinned the stirring wheel looking straight ahead before looking back towards me.

my cheeks formed a smile and my hand flew up, signaling i was okay. he's all i ever wanted and had. i stepped back into the brownstone and locked the door. nothing but quietness ran along the walls of the cold white walled apartment. the silence almost scared me. my thoughts were racing on his safety over and over again.

my feet slid across the floor as i danced my way to the kitchen where my record player sat over the microwave. my fingers ran along the marble counter tops, skipping every other movement i made. many of my nights would consist doing silly things like these, making myself happy by playing with my fingers and dancing to classic R&B songs on vinyl. a small rumble caught my attention as my phone would continue to rumble.

my heart beat pattern quickened for the second time this night. my eyes widened as i quickly looked at the texts.
messages flooded as i quickly unlocked my phone.

the multiple text messages from gavin instantly stopped my heart as i read them back and forth.

"baby i messed up and i messed up bad. im sorry for anything that happens tonight im sorry, im so sorry i love you."

my fingers furiously tapped as i replied, almost knowing he wouldn't reply.

"gavin no youll be fine what happened what's wrong???" i sent. i focused on seeing the delivered to read, but it never did.

hours past, the time ticking away. my eyes grew heavy from the tears that had left from them. i sat in an Indian style on the leather couch as my tears stuck to my skin and the couch. the rain had only gotten heavier, causing me instantly to think more. my body wanted to sleep but my heart felt like it was empty. all i wanted was from him to walk into the front door. slowly, my body knew it was going to shut down, i just didn't want to expect it. my head bowed down as i shut my eyes, before a sudden bang on the door rumbled the house.

"open up police." the voice spoke. my heart sank as my legs got weak. the tears were on the edge of the cliff and ready to jump.

i walk to the black wooden door and unlock it, preparing myself. i let out a deep sigh as i stand in the door way, examining the officer.

"are you valerie-" he spoke in a deep voice, as if this was the last thing he wanted to do. i only nodded and allowed him to walk in. i realized i was in a bralette and shorts, but in this moment i couldn't care less.

"Miss, I have to report to you that your...partner or boyfriend has passed." he said clearing his throat. all i did was nodd. the last thing i wanted to do is accept it.

"how?" i breathed out, as he slid his hands in his pockets.

"a hit and run, ran clean off the road and the hitter zoomed off. im sorry for your loss..." he strolled of with his words leaving the tone of confusion. i stood with no emotion to him. of course he was wondering how the hell could a girl lose her boyfriend and not be fucking sobbing by now?

"mam? are you okay?" he asked tilting his head like a dog. my eyes shook, now looking at him.

"yes. im sorry i just.. i just want time alone." i stutter. he nodds and fixes his hat before his feet hit the floor and he makes his way to the door.

"once again i am sorry for your loss." he said before walking out into the cold rain that had spread itself against the concrete in this city. i only nodded before closing the door and turning towards myself in the mirror. i looked more fragile, more weak than before. my eyes red, my lips trembling. I placed my finger on my hair to push my hair back, just like gavin would. i looked at my hands reflection to see the diamond ring. the engagement ring that he had given to me on the 16th of may. i felt my body go weak thinking back to the memory; the last thing i want to believe is that he's dead and the wedding is done. everything is done. nothing ever was going to work out because he did this to himself. he knew he was going to die but he let himself do it to protect me. this is all because of a drug deal. a fucking drug deal. why in the world in a place like this would he do some type of drug deal?

the thoughts were doing laps around my mind making my head spin. the silence in the household was broken only when a whisper sent shivers down my spine. as my neck and body spun over, my eyes focused on the body that stood by the fridge. he stood tall in the light yet his face has unclear. his breathing patterns scared me more than anything; even the fact that he was here.

"valerie. im sorry baby." his voice rang. my fingers began to tremble and my knees were going weak again.

"gavin?"

+++

A/N

this is over 1k words that's a new record for me. yall this is only the beginning of the story. its gonna get more crazy. don't worry. its lit. update regarding the updates: ill update when i want. no promises. it could be months to days to minutes. sorry about it though i love yall.

-arianna