Desire & guilt: Yoonkook

Downfall

"Taehyung I'm sorry for how I acted yesterday, I'm sorry for how I stormed out instead of trying to explain it to you, and I'm especially sorry for making you cry you know I would never do anything to hurt you on purpose and I'm just really sorry, are you still mad at me" jungkook said 

Taehyung looked at jungkook but didn't say anything. Jungkook could see the puffiness under taehyung's eyes from him crying and he could also see the pain that he had caused him by storming out that night. Jungkook could feel the guilt in his gut and he knew that he should tell taehyung but he knew that he shouldn't tell him at the same time because everything could be ruined from what he was about to say.

"So, you are mad at me" jungkook said "Taehyung, I want you to listen to me, for one second forget your mad at me and hear me out please" 

He waited for taehyung to respond to him before he kept talking.

"I'll listen" taehyung said

"Ok" jungkook took a deep breath " just incase you forgot I would never do anything to hurt on purpose, just keep that in mind."

Jungkook took a minute to figure out how to word what he was going to say and he knew by just saying it he would get most of the guilt he was feeling off his chest.

"Last night I went to the bar when I stormed out and I just happened to run into yoongi hyung, and we stayed in the bar for a while drinking and then we went to the pier because of my suggestion, I got more to drink at the pier it was a twelve pack and I drank it all" jungkook stopped to take a breath. "I don't really know what came over me but I stood up on the ledge that we were sitting on and started walking, I guess I scared yoongi hyung because he stood up too I guess to stop me if I tried to jump off"

Jungkook stopped talking and started to figure out he was going to tell taehyung the rest of what happened.

"I asked yoongi hyung if he would stop me if I tried to jump or if he would just watch me, he said that he would stop me, and then I respond to that by saying that was all I needed to hear." Jungkook could feel his stomach turning but he knew that he had to tell taehyung or live with that guilt for the rest of his life. "The next thing I knew the beer bottles were hitting the floor and breaking and I was kissing yoongi hyung" jungkook managed to get out.

He could see in taehyung's eyes that he was mad and upset with him.

"Is that all you did" taehyung said with a pained voice

This was jungkook's chance to tell him the whole truth and get rid of all his guilt. Or to pretend like that was all that happened and hope the guilt and pain he felt would go away after he slept in his own bed alone. Jungkook weighed the two options and decided that telling taehyung the whole truth was the best way to go for the both of them.

"No it wasn't, I was too drunk to make it back to the dorms so we went to a hotel I got more to drink on the way to the hotel, when we got there I drank half of the pack and yoongi hyung drank the other half and I was beyond wasted and yoongi hyung was pretty drunk by then, and I told him that he couldn't complain about anything that happened to him because he went to the hotel room of his own free will, and I'm really sorry tae" jungkook took a breath "um me and yoongi hyung um well you know, and I'm really guilty about  it and I didn't mean to do it, I was just so wasted and I didn't know what I was doing "

Taehyung was furious " you did what, am I a joke to you or do you think it's funny to repeatedly hurt me"

"I was drunk I didn't know what I was doing, I swear taehyung please forgive me, you're the only guy I care about and the only guy I love" jungkook could feel his eyes getting watery.