He Lied, She Believed

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Thirteen: May 23rd, 2011

A loud, harsh knock on my bedroom door woke me out of my trouble dreams. Who the heck would be banging on my door at-I opened one eye to look at my alarm clock on my bedside table. Holy heck it’s six am! Whoever it is most definitely has a death wish for waking me up this early. Especially after the disaster of Graduation yesterday, what a way to end my high school life, guess you could say that it ended with a bang, which is how most people want to end their high school life, but I kind of wished mine went out with a different bang. The highlight of the start of my new life left me sobbing my eyes out on my bedroom floor for hours, not having the energy to even move where I fell, my mother and father tried to console me but in the end they just left me alone with my shattered heart. There was nothing they could do; they didn’t even know the whole story. Only what they saw at the graduation ceremony.

The knock turned into a constant banging. Who the heck would my parents let in this earlier? I swear if it’s Kamryn I am going to knock her brains out. She knows I am not a morning person and I wake up in a very grumpy mood every morning, it takes about two cups of coffee with extra sugar, a donut and maybe a pancake or two to get me to smile in the morning. I threw off my comforter and slipped my feet into a pair of fluffy slippers, trudging my way over to my door. Flinging it open I felt my jaw drop. How attractive.

He was standing there, fist raised and a very determined look upon his face. The face that I thought I wouldn’t have to see again, guess I was wrong. I took notice that he had gone back to his original look. His muddy streaked hair was back into its usual clean, crew cut and the infamous black frames were no longer perched upon his face. His green and gold flecked eyes were swirling with multiple emotions. One specific emotion I knew he was seeing in my own eyes. Pain. So much pain. I stood there in silence not trusting myself to speak in fear of breaking down again. I had just stopped crying, I really didn’t have enough tears left to start all over again. How can one boy, one boy make me feel so weak and inferior? How can he break down everything I had made of myself over eighteen years in less than three months? I wasn’t a wallow in self-pity, bawl my eyes out, and lock myself away kind of girl. What happened to the strong girl who never cried, who never stopped fighting for what she believed in. That girl is gone and replaced with an emotional wreck. Who knew love hurt this much? Who knew that love was just another lie?

“Jay…I…” He started and then stopped. He looked everywhere but directly at me. It’s like he couldn’t stand to look upon the mess he created. If I were him I wouldn’t want to look at me either, I’m sure I looked a mess. He’s used to seeing the girl who liked to dress in whatever caught her eye, even if she didn’t match, the girl who wore ballet flats every season even if it was snowing, the girl who always had her hair in her face. That girl has gone and been replaced with one who has black circles underneath her eyes, wearing holey sweats and a t-shirt that swallows her whole, her hair a tangled mess that seems like it will never be manageable again. That was the girl he created in less than twenty four hours, the girl I let myself become.

I stood as still as a mouse. I still didn’t trust myself to speak. I could feel the tears begin to prickle behind my eyes. The telltale sign that the water works were about to start all over again. The sad thing is, even after all he’s done I still love him. I guess when you fall in love you fall hard. And it’s possible to still love the one who ruined everything.

He finally turned his gaze to me after a few agonizing seconds of complete silence. He drew in a deep breath. “I’m sorry.” His voice shook as he spoke.

How can those two words repair everything he’s done? How can he expect to come back after yesterday and just say sorry as if it will fix what he did, an apology isn’t enough. It will never be enough. I felt the first tear slide down my cheek and soon enough more followed. I just wanted to scream and bang my fists into his muscular chest and let him know that this is because of him. I, Jaidyn Ellis, am wasting my precious tears on him. “Just go.” My voice cracked as I spoke. I knew I looked as bad as I sounded. I’m pretty positive my eyes are swollen and bloodshot. I’m more than likely as pale as a ghost from the lack of sleep and have bags underneath my eyes as a result of the mixture of crying and tossing around half asleep all night.