Demon in Disguise

Dolorous

A few weeks after the fireworks show, a surprise visitor made their way to Qiang's door. It was after dawn on a rainy Sunday when this visitor appeared.

"Chen?" Qiang whispers. After many weeks of worrying about her best friend here he was, at her front door.

"Chen!" She squeals and throws herself on him, crushing him into a hug.

He chuckles, returning her hug warmly. "Hello Qiang."

"Where have you been?" She asks, pulling away and staring into his eyes. He made her worry so much with his sudden disappearance he better have a good reason.

He looks down and slowly releases her from his arms. "I needed some time to myself. To breathe and to think. I'm sorry I left so suddenly."

She shakes her head, "As long as you're safe. Are you hungry? Would you like some tea? Hot chocolate? Water?"

"Hot chocolate sounds nice." Chen takes off his shoes and closes the front door.

"Where did you go?" Qiang turns the faucet on and fills the kettle with water.

"To the beach... I went by train and then I went to visit... her grave and some other places."

Qiang knew who he was talking about without having to use names. "Did you find what you were looking for?"

He left for a reason, he must've fulfilled his purpose if he came back. Chen was gone for the whole summer for god's sakes! Early fall had already arrived.

Chen hesitates, "Not exactly."

Qiang turns on the electric kettle and looks at him dubiously. "What do you mean? If you didn't fulfill your purpose then why did you come back?"

"I wanted to see you. I went back to see things and people from my past and so many things have changed, too many actually. I don't know what I was expecting but I didn't expect for there to be so much change... so I came back."

While he was away, even though he was filled with great remorse he still missed Qiang. Sometimes in the midst of traveling to a place or in the middle of the night he would wake up and think of Qiang. It was a yearning that made his heart ache. "I missed you Qiang."

Her heart melted at his words, her gaze softens and she smiles. "I missed you too Chen, you left so suddenly. I was so worried, how could you have left me? My best friend."

Chen freezes at the word she had labeled him with. Best friend. Friend. So that was all he was to her. Chen had realized that he loved Qiang, he may have loved Han Ju with all his heart back then but now he loved Qiang. His poor tender heart was broken into fragile pieces when he had gained the knowledge of where he stood with Qiang. "Best friend?"

"Yes, you're my best friend Chen." Whether she is dense or chose to ignore the messages of his love for her in his words Chen did not know.

"Qiang, I have to tell you something."

She pauses for a moment but then continues to pour the hot water into two cups. The last time he had said that to her, he left her.

"Okay." She rips off a bit of the packaging of the hot chocolate powder and dumps it into a cup, doing the same with the second one.

"Which mug do you want?" She asks lightly, turning around to face Chen. Her guts told her that what she was going to hear would not be something she would be able to handle easily. She wanted to prolong it for as long as she can.

"The blue one is fine."

She nods. "Of course, it's your favorite color."

She takes the white cup and gives him the blue one, they both stir their cups in silence sitting across from each other at the dining table.

"So, what did you want to tell me."

"Um I..." He stared at her for moment, transfixed by her beautiful eyes as they looked at each other. He hesitated, did he want to tell her he loved her now? He knew she didn't feel the same way but should he still do it?

"I... I'm... leaving again." He felt a pang of disappointment at having missed the perfect chance to tell her how he felt about her.

"You are? But you just came back." Qiang furrows her brow in disagreement.

Chen came back just to see Qiang but he would have to leave again. "I was planning on going to the States."

"The States?" Qiang searches Chen's eyes for more detail. "Why?"

"You remember hearing Mr. Bai say that Tai Wei moved to the States? I'm going to visit him. It's time to get over my sad past, I'm going to start my journey on accepting the life I lived before I got to know you."

His words reminded her of what Junmyeon had told her in the car before they arrived at the fireworks event:

"Just because six years has passed and you can talk about it without breaking down does not mean that you have gotten over his death Qiang. Wholly accepting his death means that you can think back on all your memories with your father and not feel sorrow. You think of all the good memories that the two of you have had together and you smile because of it."

"You'll know that you've gotten over it once you start to reminisce rather than feel sorrow." Qiang tells Chen. "Junmyeon told me that."

At the mention of the other male's name Chen's mood drops. "Junmyeon? Is that who you've been talking to while I was gone?"

"Yes. Is something wrong?" Qiang gives him a shielded look, she made no move to defend herself if he said anything rash but she was prepared.

"You know that I don't like him, why would you talk to him? What else have you two been doing other than talking?"

"I am an adult and I have my own life. You have no right to tell me who I can and cannot talk to." Qiang replies softly but firmly. "What Junmyeon and I did while you were gone is none of your business."

It felt like a knife had been stabbed into Chen's chest. "So this is what it's like huh?" He abruptly stands up, "I never would've expected this from you Qiang, being with another man while I'm away. Who would've guessed you were this kind of person." He turns around and ambles out the kitchen.

Qiang stares at where he had been in shock. How could he have said that to her? She places her hands over her face as she hears her front door close firmly.

Though she didn't want to admit it, he had hurt her.

Two broken beings.