The funeral finally ended and my father took me to his car. My Grandmother had decided to take a cab home because she 'didn't want to be a bother'. It stung to be avoided so eagerly by someone whom I loved so dearly. It felt like the only person in the world who could make me feel better was doing all they could to make me feel worse.
'Dad, what's up with Gran?' I asked my father as I stepped into the car.
He seemed puzzled for a moment before saying, bluntly,
'Cassi, her daughter just died'
I rolled my eyes. Of course he hadn't noticed her avoiding me, why would he when it wasn't affecting him? I didn't bother to explain because I knew he couldn't help. I guess I only mentioned it because I didn't like having the question buzzing around in my head like a crazed bee and thought it would help to release it. It didn't help at all.
Dad must have shrugged off my outburst during my speech, putting it down as my own little way of dealing with grief. I was beginning to wonder whether he was right.
It was real it was real it was real
When we arrived home, I went straight for the blissful isolation of my small, dark bedroom. I was half way through the door when my father stopped me.
'Hey, Cassi, tomorrow is Monday. Do you want to stay off a little longer or go back?'
I thought for a moment. I felt like I could break down crying any second and I looked like death but, on the other hand, school would certainly take my mind off of things and my qualifications were important to me.
'I'll go to school' I said simply, and slipped into my room.
_______________________________________________________________________________
My school looked different to me, somehow, when I walked in for my first day back since mom died. The halls were brighter, they hurt my eyes and I couldn't make out everyone's faces. My first class was English.
'Hey, Cassi. You feeling OK?' Daniel asked me as he sat in his seat next to me.
I wouldn't quite call Daniel a friend. I sat with him in English and we got on really well but we hadn't spent any time out of school together. He had a bit of a dorky personality, which I liked and was actually a lot better looking than people gave him credit for. He had short, but thick, curly black hair and was just a little taller than I was. I suppose the reason for him not getting girls was that he would rather play his video games and watch Star Wars than go to parties and try to 'score' every girl there.
'I'm fine. I guess I've got to just get on with my life, you know?' I said, but I wasn't fine and I couldn't move on.
As our English teacher, Mr Finnigan, began rambling about Shakespeare, or something, I fell into a daydream as I always did in English. I was thinking about my mom.
Cassi, you look beautiful!
Thanks, mom
I'm so happy to be with you on your wedding day, honey...
'Cassi, are you OK?'
I jumped. Daniel's concerned faced stared at me as I felt a tear roll down my cheek.
'I'm fine. Totally fine.' I whispered, breathelessly, as I wiped my face with my sleeve.
She'll never see me get married
I sat in silence for the rest of the period, hearing nothing of what Mr Finnigan said. When the bell rang for second period, I launched out of my chair. My attempt at a quick get-away, however, was faltered as Daniel appeared next to me, apparently determined to find out what was bothering me.
