I Will Not Kiss You (Lost Boy Sequel)

I Will Not Kiss You

You don't have to, but listening to twenty one pilots' cover of "Cancer" adds to the emotion of the fic.

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"'No parent should have to bury their child...' I couldn't agree more with that." Anne paused for a second to gather her composure. "I always thought that I'd join Alph before any of my children. I thought that's how it would be, that's how it should have been..."

Anne stopped once more and let out a sob. Dermott approached his mother and told her she didn't have to continue, but she insisted on continuing. 

"Decky, for once, why did you decide to be early to something?" She tearfully laughed. The rest of the mourners couldn't help but chuckle a little at the quip. "This was one thing me and your father would have been fine for you to be late to." 

Anne looked at her son, resting in his coffin. Resting. And soon to be buried in his favorite colors.

A small part of her still imagines that he'll wake up at any moment and reveal that it was just an elaborate joke. A joke that just went too far. It's a possibility that it could be a joke; he and Ant always did that growing up and in their TV shows. She still expects for cameras to barge in and go close up to her face to capture her reaction as Dec flashes that sweet, cheeky smile of his.

But that doesn't happen. Dec continues to lay there, lifeless. 

"You were our lucky boy, Decky. Me and your father thought that you'd live a long life when you beat cancer when you were 14. We thought that things could only go up for you after that. We never thought you'd get struck by a terminal cancer.

"It's not fair! I know that God has his plans set out for all of us, but why did he have to make you go through cancer again. Wasn't once enough?!"She slammed her fist down on the wooden top.

Ant leapt from his seat to escort Anne off the lectern. She was clearly not fit to continue anymore. Ant held onto Anne and did his best to comfort the grief-stricken woman.

Once she's calmed down considerably, Ant made a move to get up to deliver his eulogy when Dermott stopped him and motioned for him to take a seat. "Ahem...before we go any further with the final eulogy - Ant's eulogy - I'd like to read this letter that Declan wrote, or rather, dictated during his final days. It's a letter addressed to everyone." Dermott made eye contact with Ant before unfolding the letter he had held secured within his Bible.

Hello,

I just wanna take this opportunity to say everything I never got to say. Yes, I know that's my fault; I know I have pushed all of you away. But I hope all of you understand, I did it to protect all of you and myself.

I refused all the hugs, all the kisses because it only magnified to me what I was about to lose: all of you. The physical pain is nothing to the knowledge that I will be leaving  all of you; that is the hardest part for me. 

For that, I'd like to say that I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I couldn't give you better memories to remember me by. I was with you, I was alive, but I wasn't living anymore. Those final weeks weren't living anymore. It was a matter of me just existing. And I'm sorry that was what you all had to witness. 

That's why I'm trying to make it up to you all through this letter. It might not be enough to erase that wasted version of me from your minds, but, for what it's worth, know that I love you all and that I'm thankful for everything you have done for me. From the tiny things like helping get a drink of a bit of water to the greater things like staying by my side. Thank you. 

Love,

Your Declan

Only sounds of crying could be heard within the church after Dermott finished reading Dec's letter. He left the lectern and joined Anne, who was already being consoled by Ant.