Father

Prologue

FATHER

- a male parent
- a person who was in someone's family in past time
- a person's father

I close my phone when I finished read it in Merriam- Webster Dictionary, when I read the meaning I just realized something.

"Huh! Why did I even searched it? Just to hurt myself? O para ipamukha ko sa sarili ko na wala akong ama."

Suddenly, I feel a heat from the corner of my eyes. Oh no! I'm gonna cry again.

Agad akong tumingala at tumitig sa kisame. And then...

I remember the definition of the word "father".

"A male parent? Haha." mapakla akong tumawa sa unang  naalala ko. "Wala akong parent na lalake." Wala.

"A person who was in someone's family in past time."   wala naman akong natatandaan na lalake sa pamilya namin well except do'n sa mga pinsan ko o yung mga kamag-anak namin na may lalake sa pamilya nila. Wala kaming lalake sa pamilya namin. Si mama lang ang nagtataguyud sa akin,siya lang ang bumubuhay sa akin at sa sarili niya. Kaya wala akong pamilya na lalake.

"A person's father." agad tumulo ang mga luhang kanina ko pa pinipigilan. Wala akong ama. Wala. At hindi na ako magkakaroon  pa.

I don't know him. I didn't saw him. At wala akong balak na makilala siya.

I let out a sigh. "Wala akong ama at kung meron man ayaw ko sa kanya. I hate --- no scratch that I loathe him so much to the point na ayaw ko siyang makilala." umiiyak na sabi ko.

"Dad. I hate you for leaving us behind."  I hope you heard me. I hope you heard me in your dreams so that you can realize that you're  regret for leaving us.

You hurt us. You hurt me and my mom and when the time comes that you're goin' to come here in our house  and ask our permission to enter our life again. I will never let that happen.

If only you knew how is it feel to have a father like you. A father that can leave his wife and daughter without any hesitations. I hate you so much. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.

"I won't cry again for the same reason. Once is enough."